Travel Agent by day, Travel Writer by night

It’s November 18th and I’m sitting at The Coffee Club in Old Town Phuket. I found this bright and airy coffee shop via my best travel friend, Google Maps. I’m sitting upstairs in a glass box overlooking big bushy trees and quiet traffic below.

The coffee shop seems young, with its hip-looking people working behind their computers and Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter playing (read: blaring) in the background. My server is a sweet, demure Thai boy who I could just gobble up.

One of many plates of noodles I devoured in Thailand

The cafe vibe feels oddly familiar. Somehow I always find myself going for a quick bite and a refresh at a comfy cafe. I just finished a bowl of shrimp Pad Thai after a long walk through Old Town and up to Monkey Hill.

I could travel like this forever. No real schedule other than showing up on time for my tours. Lots of exploring by foot, putting my nose up to the air to smell the delicious things cooking around me, popping into adorable boutiques and chatting up employees who compliment my outfit or tell me I look like a local. Some of my favorite travel memories are the conversations I have with strangers.

Why do I feel most at peace when I’m traveling the world? Of course, I’d stick Andy in my front pocket and take him around for the adventure ( I love that scene in “Her”) but he’s staying home and tending to the house and our lives back home.

One of the many things I love about Andy is that he has some of the best ideas. When our forces and powers combine, we are that power couple everyone loves and admires. But even more, one of his best, most recent ideas was that I learn to be a modern-day travel agent.

I mean, it’s so obvious. Why didn’t I think about it first?

With Fora Travel, I’m learning all the ways to book hotels, private villas, flights and activities while I, too, travel the world. I signed up the other day, used myself as my first client, and had a wonderful, personalized stay at the Sheraton Jakarta Soekarno Hatta Airport Hotel before I flew out to Bangkok.

I found it thrilling to set up my profile, start some trainings, and price compare properties. I was so excited to check into the hotel and see what extra special treatment I would get as a “VIP client.” The staff at the Sheraton was super sweet and I had lovely conversations with the manager at check in and later again after dinner. The upgrades were awesome and I got many travel-well wishes from the staff. (I mentioned my travel plans in my emails to the reservations team and was surprised when a couple people on staff mentioned my upcoming flight to Bangkok!)

I get so much joy out of finding the best hotel and location in each city we travel to. I think about the people I’ll be traveling with and all the things we want to do and the meals we want to have, and all of that is considered when I book my travel.

Becoming a travel agent won’t feel like “work” and I’d actually be taking advantage of something I really enjoy doing. I love a good deal, collecting points, and finding the most comfortable bed to lay my head down after a full day of running around a new city.

Being a travel agent may not pay me the six-figure salary I’m used to getting in the corporate world, but at least I’d still feel free.

If you’re reading this and absolutely detest searching for hotels or activities to do while you’re traveling, hit me up! I’d love to help you book travel to your next adventure!

Awakening my tastebuds in Thailand

It’s 7:19pm on Saturday, November 23. I’m writing this while flying back to Jakarta with my parents across the aisle from me.

We’re 30,000 feet in the air, watching the sun set over Malaysia. I just spent ten days traipsing around Thailand. This trip came together because a family member offered us her family’s timeshare. The available dates coincided perfectly with my dad’s birthday. Thailand wasn’t really on our radar, but I’d always wanted to go.

The opportunity and the timing was right so we booked our flights a few weeks ago. I’d spend two extra days in Bangkok before my parents arrived so I could run around town and explore on my own. I knew of some attractions in Thailand through friends who’ve visited before. I knew about its white sand beaches, amazing food, and fun shopping. I’ve had many aunties tell me to go with a nearly empty suitcase because there’d be so much fun stuff there to buy.

But what I’ll take most from our Thailand trip are the flavors. 

One of the reasons I love traveling internationally is how my tastebuds light up when I try new flavor combinations.

Nothing gets me more excited than when I travel to Mexico and Latin America and have the best tacos or ceviche of my life. To see the dozens of different types of corn and potatoes, or avocados the size of your head. Those are the memories I still hold onto.

Or when we get to visit friends in Vancouver and Montreal. Nothing tastes better than red wine and steak with friends at one of the many fancy restaurants, or a late-night poutine after drinking too many martinis. Our recent trip to India opened my eyes to incredible spice blends, chutneys, and sweet milk cakes that I still dream about. Food seems to taste better when a passport stamp is part of the journey ;)

The flavors, textures, colors, and smells of Asian food are in a league of their own. Obviously, living in America, I have my favorite places for legit Cantonese dim sum, or Thai noodles from the local place we’ve been going to for years.

Thai Tea concoctions purchased at the source. Nothing gets better than sipping on some cold tea on a hot day in Bangkok.

But nothing compares to going to the birthplace of these dishes to make your mouth and soul light up.

The November weather in Thailand was no joke. To think that we we’re going during a time when it’s less hot and humid was nearly unnoticeable. It rained a lot while we were there, like monsoonal torrential rain for one to two hours each day. The rain was actually a relief, briefly cooling down the city before the heat returned. Most days we stayed inside during the peak heat, oftentimes finding ourselves wandering luxury malls, inevitably ending up in the basement food court or buzzing restaurants.

One of the many snippets from the night markets in Bangkok

I can honestly say I never had a bad meal in Thailand. From mall bakeries and street food to oceanfront seafood markets and Michelin-starred spots, everything I ate was unreal. I knew that there were a lot of award-winning restaurants in Bangkok, and I was eager to book a reservation, but I found just as much joy walking through its bustling streets, snacking along the way.

Skewers of meat, fresh fruit, seafood, noodles, curries, and rice dishes—my Asian-bred tastebuds were in heaven. I took small bites everywhere, essentially turning every day into a progressive meal. Thai teas, delicate pastries, endless noodles, and curries became my routine.

Sweet little bites from the food court in Bangkok

I’m fairly certain I took at least a half dozen photos of every meal I had. I tasted all of the local favorites and took 500+ photos of food alone.

My camera ate first at every meal, of course. It’s an unspoken rule among foodies, especially Asian Americans like me. There’s something so beautiful about food—the composition, colors, and steam rising from a dish—that begs to be photographed before even knowing what it’ll taste like. My phone now holds a gallery delicious reminders of every bite imprinted on my phone just to show off later.

It’s a weird concept, but this photo gallery is absolute food porn for people like me.

As an Asian American, I think I’m the only person in my friend group who snacks just about every three hours. I’m excited to plan my next meal, and I’m even more excited to think about what I’ll cook next.

Since traveling the world so much these last few years, I’ve grown to love learning how to make my favorite Asian dishes once I’m home. I’ll get hyper fixated on a dish I’ve eaten while traveling, and then learn how to cook it with all of the special sauces and spices I’ve brought back.

In Phuket, I had the genius idea to take a cooking class. I wanted to meet some locals, check out a market, and learn to cook Thai dishes.

Taking a cooking class while traveling might be my new favorite thing to do. I found Phuket Thai Cooking Class with VJ through my Marriott Bonvoy app. I was looking for a class that offered a market tour to see where some of the ingredients were sourced.

I arrived at VJ’s and waited for the rest of the class to arrive. We hopped in the van and drove just a few minutes down the road to a local market where we learned about herbs and vegetables we’d use during class. We tried local fruit (I had the best pineapple and longan there) and I bought some local chili oil, which would be the base of many dishes to come.

Our guide showed us around the market a bit before we went back to the classroom to start prepping Tom Yum Soup, Shrimp Pad Thai, Red Curry, and Mango Sticky Rice.

We put on our aprons and learned about the herbs and vegetables we’d use. Kaffir lime, galangal, and lemongrass were never things I cooked with before so I loved how our teacher walked us through how to prep each item.

Cooking with a wok—now at the top of my shopping list—made everything lightning fast. We started prepping shallot, garlic, and other aromatics, along with chili peppers picked up from the market.

I was never a huge fan of Tom Yum Soup back at home, but after making it from scratch, I’m a convert. From the fresh kaffir lime leaves to the lemongrass stalks, now that I know how it’s supposed to taste, I totally get it. The American version of the soup always tasted too sour for me, but now that I know that tamarind, fishy chili oil, and coconut milk are the main components, I know how to make it the real way.

The soup turned out amazing and took no more than five minutes to make. We started prepping the sticky rice for dessert we’d have later, just before prepping the ingredients for our Pad Thai.

I’m normally a Pad See Ew kind of a girl, and leave it up to someone else at the table to order it, but now that I’ve cooked fresh Pad Thai on my own, I absolutely cannot wait to try and cook it once I’m back home.

From the charred-flavored meats and tofu, to the perfect mix of tamarind, fish sauce, oyster sauce, palm sugar, pickled radish, and chilis, I totally understand why this is the most popular noodle dish to come out of Thailand. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent drinking Chang beers, while swapping stories with other students about their travels. The cooking class attendants were fantastic, even helping me when I didn’t get my curry paste to the right consistency (probably because I was taking too many pics instead of grinding out all of the ingredients). I had such a blast and would 100% recommend everyone take a cooking class while traveling abroad.

My tastebuds feel alive again—call it a culinary awakening. I don’t know about my other fellow Americans, but not only has food gotten stupid expensive, but it just doesn’t taste all that good. It feels uninspired.

Grocery-store produce has started to look a little sad lately, and our local restaurants have been disappointing. Armed with new recipes, I can’t wait to show off my new knowledge.

My mom will be the first one to tell you that I never liked Asian food when I was a kid. She’d work a whole day at the office, come home and make a giant bowl of stir fried noodles and a saucy chicken to go with it. And I’d be the idiot who’d say she’d prefer fettuccine alfredo and garlic bread instead. 

Times have changed. I’m fully embracing my roots. Even Andy is getting so much better and using chopsticks and upping his spice level.

We’re about 45 minutes away from landing back in Jakarta where we’ll celebrate my dad’s birthday. Next week we’re headed to Bali for a couple weeks to catch up with family and friends. I’ll also be wedding venue hunting!

It hasn’t fallen short on me that I’m so incredibly lucky to have this free time to travel right now. My home country is a little rocky right now and I’m so happy to be here in Asia spending time with family and experiencing things from my mom’s home country. The holidays are right around the corner and I’m looking forward to a tropical, even monsoonal Christmas.

Me in my happy place. Sorry, shrimpie

If I have it my way, our holiday dinners will feature my Pad Thai and Tom Yum Soup.

Ok, but where are you really from?

It’s November 7, the day after the American election. I’m sitting in my room at my Aunt’s house nursing a cold, which I can imagine happened after all of my world traveling.

I’ve been in Jakarta for five days. It feels like home here. I’ve seen a lot of cousins so far and managed to eat amazing Indonesian food each day.

I’ve caught up some with family members, told them about our travels to India and what’s been going on in my life since I was here last year. I’m making future plans to visit Bali and pondering all of the possibilities for our upcoming nuptials.

Life, while a little loud and chaotic, feels normal here. I’m finding a routine while still adjusting to being in the southern hemisphere.

I’m honoring the promise I made to myself on my last trip here and am learning at least one new Bahasa word. People automatically speak Indonesian to me here, and while I know mostly the topic they’re talking about, my vocabulary is limited.

I took a yoga class at a super hip studio the other day. The teacher spoke Bahasa about 90% of the time. I picked it up pretty quickly and listened out for the Sanskrit word for each of the poses to follow along when I couldn’t see her.

I secretly love that recognizing the name of yoga poses in Sanskrit helps tremendously when I take a yoga class in a different country.

Regardless of where I am in Indonesia, and now even in India, I feel like it’s easier for me to blend in.

People watching is one of my favorite things to do in this world. I love to look outside the window when I’m in a rideshare and admire life happening around me. I love hearing people’s conversations around me; I can’t help but notice things happening.

Through conversations these last few weeks while traveling, I’ve come to the self-imposed conclusion that I’m a “child of the world.”

Ok, bear with me.

Yes, I am my mother’s daughter who was born in Jakarta, Indonesia and appreciates the finer things in life. And yes, I am my father’s daughter who was born on the island of Guam and lives life daringly.

And as I travel more, I love that my nearly 6 years of learning Spanish and ordering food in Spanish at Mexican restaurants has allowed me to feel more comfortable speaking while traveling through Mexico and other Latino countries.

I love that people mistook me for Indian when we traveled through Hyderabad and Jaipur. It made me want to learn a few Hindi phrases to take advantage of it! I love that I’m diving deep into Indonesian culture and learning ways to converse with locals.

I learn how to say thank you and good morning in each of the countries I visit. I believe the act of trying to speak a country’s language will get you further than if you’re just one of “those Americans” who travel to foreign countries and just speak louder and slower when trying to get what they want while traveling abroad.

There are moments I love being an American. But all the more recently, I wish to be a citizen of the world.

Being brown and living in America has had its ups and downs. It was fun growing up in Southern California and being the “exotic” friend. At the same time, there was a big part of me that always wanted to be like my white friends when I was a young girl.

I always wanted American snacks in my lunch pail as a kid; I relate to so many things that Asian comedians say about what it’s like growing up white washed. I lost a lot of my Asian identity trying to fit in with the cool kids.

More recently, I noticed how being brown in my 30s in the Bay Area made me a topic of conversation. Feeling like the diversity hire is a whole other topic, but I want to talk about what it was like being in my 30s and having nearly every ride share driver ask me where I was from.

I had the luxury of treating myself to a Lyft or Uber ride while living in the Bay. I loved taking the bus or the BART, but when I needed to get places, I spent the extra cash for the convenience.

It felt like every other ride, the driver would look at my in the rear view mirror, ask me about my name, and then start commenting on my physical features.

It usually went like this:

Me: I get into the strangers car, usually with my arms full of shopping bags or my yoga mat. “Ride for Nadia?” I’d usually say.

Him: “Yup” he’d say while I’d see his eyes peer at me from the rear view mirror.

Small talk probably happened for a moment or two.

Him: “Nadia. That’s a nice name.” They’d usually tell me they knew of someone with my name, a sister or old friend from wherever their home country was.

“Where are you from?” They’d always ask, as I could feel their eyes dart around.

Me: “Oh, I grew up in Southern California.”

Him: “But your parents? They’re American?”

Then depending on how comfortable I felt, I’d tell them a bit about where my folks are from.

Him: “Ok, but where are you really from?”

I kid you not, I went through this spiel every other ride. It felt like once a week, I’d have to explain myself—why my eyes and nose looked the way it did, why I had such a dark and unique complexion.

“Was anyone else getting this treatment?” I’d ask myself. Maybe it was just the girls experiencing these truly hellish, invasive moments.

Being the person I am, I’d always give these men the benefit of the doubt. Some of these drivers were also non-Americans so I heard countless stories of their upbringing in Ghana, Palestine, India, the Middle East, Russia, and everywhere in between. It was fun, until it wasn’t.

There were times, maybe after a few too many happy hour-priced martinis, when I didn’t want to explain myself, so when asked the question, I’d have the perfect, snarky response:

“Oh, I’m from Planet Earth. Where are you from?”

It usually shut them up, but now that I’m thinking about it, maybe that’s why my ride share scores dropped so much while living in the Bay.

I’ve always known I was the “other”. It’s obvious. Try going through life being asked to check just one box when it comes to your ethnicity or race.

Was I just Asian? I’m not 100% so that didn’t fit. I couldn’t check Hispanic or Latino. Sometimes I was lucky and chose both Pacific Islander and Asian if the questionnaire allowed it. Then it just got to the point where I’d check “Other”.

But today, I am embracing my otherness. At the age of 40, I’m noticing my Caucasian friends aging quicker than me. I’m proud of my daily skincare routine, but I don’t have to work that hard to look young. People still ask if I’m in college and now I just say yes and tell them I’m a student of life. I’m trying to see how many times I can get away with telling strangers I’m only 26.

When people ask me where I’m from, I’ll gladly tell them if I feel comfortable with them. How many other people have you met in the world who can say they’re Indonesian, Chinese, Guamanian, Spanish and Filipino?

I’d like to meet that person one day.

My brother and I…we’re anomalies. There’s no one out there like us with our genetic makeup. (And if there’s a Chindo Chamorrita reading this, please definitely do slide into my DMs. I’d love to swap stories.)

I can go on a whole tangent about what it’s like to be a brown woman in America right now. But I’ll save it for another post.

Where am I really from?

What does it matter? Is my face and body so disfigured to a man’s gaze that they need to understand my genetic makeup in order to still feel powerful? Is my body shape and the size of my eyes and nose so distracting to the average man? And why hasn’t a woman ever asked me this question?

Women would rather compliment my outfit or my lipstick before ever leading a conversation bothering about my lineage.

I know that I’m a special little star that appeared on this planet in this exact moment. There are days where I like to tell off old men who are being creepy and there are days when I embrace how unique I am.

I may be exotic, but I am not some science experiment to figure out.

And that’s why I love traveling Asia. People ask me about me because they’re curious. Their tone is different and there’s an inherent curiosity because we’re exchanging culture and stories about ourselves.

Why do men in America….

Actually, it’s not even worth wasting my thoughts and time finishing that sentence.

So I leave you with this, if you’re reading this and you feel like the “other” too, embrace it. Take it by its culturally-ambiguous unicorn horn and show off how cool and different you are. Be proud that you look so different than everyone in your friend group, and shine like the star you are.

If we were all the same, what could we actually learn from each other?

Do you believe in destiny?

A story about lights, love, and unexpected surprises in Jaipur, India

It’s November 1, and I’m writing this on the airplane from Jaipur back to Hyderabad. Our trip to Jaipur was one we’ll remember forever. Lots of serendipitous moments happened on our trip to the Pink City.

Traveling to India wasn’t on our radar this year. The fact that Andy was invited to India was a complete surprise —while one that we gladly accepted— and we more than managed to make the most out of every moment.

Andy’s trip to Hyderabad was full of meetings, excursions, late nights, and laughter all around. My week in Hyderabad was full of cultural tours, people watching, and lots of chai.

One of the many painted nooks at the Amber Fort in Jaipur

We could have been like everyone else on his trip and flown back to America as soon as his meetings were over. But how could we leave and not explore this magical country?

Every moment in Jaipur had a bit of mystery and surprise around the corner. Other than a couple tours and the knowledge that we’d spend Diwali in one of the best places in the country, we kept our days free and open to possibilities.

And that’s exactly what happened.

First off, our hotel was absolutely magnificent. Between the pool below the pink limestone buildings, nightly cocktails in their lavish bars, and the amazing hospitality we experienced, the ITC Rajputana was such a gift.

The beautiful lobby at the ITC Rajputana in Jaipur

We lounged around the first day, knowing we had a full-day tour the following day. Andy and I have been engaged for more than a year so we were hoping to take some beautiful photos on the tour to include in our wedding announcement.

Choosing the right tour was a little tricky. We knew of some temples and palaces we wanted to see. Other than that, we just wanted to go where the dusty wind would take us.

There was a moment when I second guessed the tour I originally booked. A few Jaipur tours advertised a day full of Instagrammable locations with a professional photographer.

But alas, I kept our original reservation which advertised a full day excursion with stops at the most touristed temples and attractions.

My new favorite matching outfits from Jams World in Oahu, Hawaii

Pawan picked us up Tuesday morning from our hotel. I was already making Andy pose for photos in our beautifully ornate lobby. Andy and I wore matching outfits I picked up during my recent trip to Oahu. (shout out to Jams World!)

Pawan whisked us away to his large van and we took off toward our first stop, Hawa Mahal. The crown of Jaipur, a facade colored in delicate pink with hundreds of honeycomb-shaped windows. The wind palace was on my brain since we first started planning the trip. I was so excited it would be our first stop.

After learning more about the people of Jaipur, its royal heritage, and its natural resources, we took a few photos and hurried on our way to next stop.

We stopped at Amber Fort and the Anwar Stepwell. We marveled at the age of each structure, admired its beautiful curiosities, and took in all of the details and knowledge Pawan shared with us.

The little girl next to us was *not* a paid actress

There are no words to explain the beauty of Amber Fort. There are hallways, courtyards, gardens, and common areas that glitter with mirrors and 400-year-old murals painted with natural dyes.

Pawan shared his love of photography with us. After learning his own tricks and picking up others along the way, we were in awe of the angles and composition of the photos he took of us.

“I think you just took the main photo of our wedding invitation,” I told him after looking at one of the dozens amazing photos of us.

While walking out of the fort, we mentioned our love of animals and that we considered seeing elephants or tigers while in India. Moments later, he told us an elephant sanctuary was right around the corner from the main road we were on.

And just like that, we pulled into Elephant Village. We were amazed at not only how easy it was to manifest that experience, but how effortless it felt.

We made our way past the gate and approached four Indian elephants. Each elephant was a female with a Hindu name.

The attendant laid out two tables of sugarcane and bananas. We squealed at each other as we fed treats to our new gigantic friends.

As I watched Andy live out one of his lifelong dreams, I couldn’t help but notice the force of these animals, their strong trunks, enormous feet and toes. I hugged an elephant by its trunk trying to hold on to the memory of being so close to such a gentle giant.

We didn’t want to leave. We were in heaven. As we gave away our last banana, we said dhanyavaad to each elephant and thanked them for their time and friendship.

We then walked into an enclosed area where we were greeted by one of the elephants.

We were taught the commands of “walk” and “turn” and we held onto her necklace while we walked side by side with her.

“Agat agat” Andy called out as we walked through the grass. She mozied through the grass with us, dragging her trunk and making muffled sounds in her throat.

“Holy crap, we’re walking an elephant. It’s just like walking the dogs back at home,” I squealed.

We took photos with her, told her a couple elephant jokes, and led her back to her other giant sisters.

We honestly could have ended the tour there. We were exhilarated.

But Pawan had a few more stops in store for us. We saw the water palace, the UNESCO World Heritage astronomy park, and a local textile factory. He even took us to a local jeweler where we got to see why India is so well known for its rubies, sapphires, and emeralds.

We made friends everywhere we went with Pawan and our driver, Bhupendra. We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

At Jantar Mantar, the UNESCO World Heritage Astronomy Park

Our tour ended up going well into the evening. So much so that we got stuck in the main city for a bit while encountering many road closures, which allowed pedestrians to get their goods for the holiday.

We finally said goodbye to our new friends, knowing fully well we’d see them again on our next tour to Jaipur.

—

The next night, we had a walking tour through the local bazaars. Again, we met our guide at the Hawa Mahal and navigated the busy streets by foot, tasting local treats along the way. The tour was much shorter this time around, and we saw what a home looked like in the old city, and learned about their famous shopping alleys and roads.

A walking tour led us to the courtyard inside a local home

The market area was getting busier by the hour, so it became difficult to flag down a car back to our hotel. Our guide put us into a tuktuk (our first one of the trip) and led us to a less busy intersection near a museum.

We stumbled on the beautifully lit Albert Hall museum, which was full of coins, clothes, and jewels older than America’s constitution— and even a mummy. We enjoyed the nearly empty museum while the rest of Jaipur was getting ready for the holiday.

As we exited the museum, we tried ordering an Uber to get back to our hotel. The area was so insanely busy that road closures were preventing any of our drivers from getting to us.

Just then as the third driver cancelled on us, a young man approached. He first started talking to me in Hindi, and I had to tell him I was actually a foreigner. (A surprising amount of people thought I was Indian. From my long black hair, flat nose, dark skin, and big eyes, people were convinced I was from their country. It’s a blessing I didn’t know how much I’d love.)

His name was Ayan and he approached us because he could tell Andy was a foreigner. He told us he was just getting into the tourism business and asked us how we planned to celebrate Diwali the next day.

We hadn’t really thought about how we’d spend the day, so we were surprised when he invited us on a private tour and even back to his family’s home to celebrate the holiday.

Normally, Andy and I would be shy to accept such an offer, but there was something about Ayan’s gentle soul. He hailed down a tuktuk and effortlessly negotiated a better price for us. We agreed to text him the next day and said our goodbyes.

Before we even reached our room, we knew that going on a tuktuk tour with Ayan would be much better than our original plan of just lounging around at the hotel.

When else could we experience such a festive day seeing Jaipur from a local’s eye and be invited into someone’s home to participate in Puja? We knew we had to take the leap of faith. After arranging a meetup time, our Thursday was booked.

Ayan shows us his hometown in the best mode of transporation

Ayan met us the next day in a decked out tuktuk.  He asked what we’d seen already to get an idea of where to take us. Eventually we drove a windy path to see a factory where textiles and clothes were made.

We got the royal treatment at Pink City Heritage Textiles & Carpets

We watched as four humble men sheared wool to create intricate designs on a massive rug. One of the owners of the factory showed us how they block printed designs on organic cotton, which would then turn into amazing bolts of fabric.

I was completely in awe when he told us they exported their goods to Anthropologie and Hermes. We loved the vibe of the business so much that we ended up picking out several fabrics and got fitted for some custom made clothes.

After a couple hours of picking out our new favorite shawls, clothes, and bedding, we made our way to Ayan’s family friend’s jewelry store.

We arrived late in the afternoon so many of the men were already preparing for Puja and other Diwali traditions. We spent some time in the store, laughed with Ayan’s friends, and enjoyed chai while trying on some amazing jewelry.

Ayan eventually dropped us off at our hotel so we could get ready to meet his family later. We’d visit his aunt’s house to watch Puja rituals and then his own home to enjoy some dinner.

Once we arrived at his family’s home, we met his relatives, nibbled on some sweet treats, and spent the evening chatting and watching his nephews light firecrackers in the road. We met Ayan’s wife and new baby, and shared a meal before he drove us back at our hotel.

We had an amazing day with him and told Ayan how much of a joyful surprise the day turned out to be. We expressed our gratitude and told him we’d stay in contact. He lovingly referred to us as his new sister and brother. We told him we’d always remember him and were so happy he approached us in front of the museum the night before.

“Do you believe in destiny?” Ayan asked us during our ride back to the hotel.

We definitely do believe in destiny, and know that the days we spent in Jaipur were a gift from the universe. We would have never experienced the week in Jaipur we did had we not leaned into what opportunities presented themselves.

Not only are we believers of destiny, but we made some true friends in Jaipur. Brothers and family even.

The people of India have been so welcoming. We’d never guess this country would be so impactful on us. We’ve collected memories and friends we’ll think of often.

Andy and I will part ways after this trip. He’ll be at home and I’ll visit my family in Indonesia for a bit. Now it’s time to open up to receive more adventures, auspicious opportunities, holiday time with family, and the wonders of the world.

Namaste and dhanyavaad 🙏🪔

Allow me to re-introduce myself

Hi, hello and welcome. This page has been dormant since the start of COVID. Life has been weird and exhilarating since my last post in March 2020.

I moved out of the Bay Area and now split my time between two cities I love. I’ve experienced loss in various forms. I’ve gained memories and experiences across the world with strangers who I now call friends.

And more recently, I’ve started a brand new journey. The title of it is still to come, but what I’m about to do over the next 90 days is something I’ve dreamed about for years.

Since getting laid off this past August, I’ve re-established my ideas on success, what it looks like, and how I intend to spend my newly found free time.

I’ve been given this amazing gift of freedom, a supporting and loving base of humans in my life, and the ability to continuously remain in the present.

Over the last two months of unemployment I’ve spent time lounging around with my dogs, I’ve caught up with old friends, I’ve organized my living spaces, and I’ve spent time volunteering. These are the things I missed the most when I was so caught up in weekly deadlines, quarterly performance reports, and back-to-back meetings.

Over the last 19 years, I’ve found so much success in my career and professional life that I lost touch with what actually makes me happy vs. what I’m good at doing.

At this moment, it’s 5:45am and I’m sitting in my room in Hyderabad, India. I’m surrounded by my favorite travel things, about to spend some time traveling Asia with family, and I get to start each morning asking myself what I want to do and how I want to spend my time.

That is a gift that 10 years in the corporate world would never permit.

My intention is to get back to travel writing again. Nadia Wanders is such a beautiful outlet for me, and it’s time to start reinvesting in it.

So, follow me along as I travel this wonderful, chaotic world.

Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in the Midst of Covid-19: Bringing Community and Cannabis Together

It’s been 11 days since I floated down from the astral plane that was Dee Dussault’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in Nevada City. For six days, I was surrounded by 15 strangers as we immersed ourselves into the bio mechanics of our body and its movement, shared meals and walks together, learned what makes a great yoga teacher, and smoked some amazingly delicious, locally-grown, cannabis.

Dee teaches us allll the ways — while basking in the morning sunlight

At the end of those six days, my brain was full of life lessons and knowledge about plant medicine and our endocannabinoid system. My heart was saturated with love coming in from every angle imaginable. My body felt so nourished by the delicious food, coffee, and movement we all shared. My soul came alive after spending those six days in pure cannabliss. 

I felt the souls of all of my new friends and sisters. We created a space and community within those walls – so much so that I felt myself let go so I could walk head on into the transition that is life right now.

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I’m not really sure what my expectation of Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training was before I arrived. Life was so all over the place before the training that I barely had time to finish all of assigned readings. I was traveling non-stop and had a super-packed social calendar the whole month prior to the training.

I wrote and edited content for Dee for a couple months and had an idea of her style and the community she’s been cultivating all these years. I was excited for a full immersion, whatever that may be. 

I packed up my rental car just as the Grand Princess cruise ship docked miles away from me in Oakland; before Corona Virus was called a pandemic; before the Bay Area was put into lock down mode. I was happy to leave my routine for a bit to get into nature, make some new friends, and smoke some cannabis with like-minded yogis.

While the entire globe was ramping up for the pandemic, we were in the forest near Nevada City, CA learning about biomechanics, getting more tuned into our bodies and emotions, and letting plant-medicine bring us all together to spark energy and conversation. Dee was our spirit and science guide as we built our understanding of the foundations of our body, relationship with cannabis, and yoga practice.

I had no idea the mess I’d come home to.

—-

As soon as I walked into our Airbnb for the week, I was welcomed into our home with loving arms. Two friends from Montreal greeted me sweetly with their beautiful accents. Dee gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends. As soon as I sat down, I lit a lovely pre-roll and started my journey far from reality and responsibility.

Our outdoor classroom outside of our Stone House

We spent the first couple of days getting to know each other, having our lessons outside in the sun, as Dee led us through conversations about our endocannabinoid system and the interconnectedness of our feet, legs, joints, and bones. She led us through nightly yoga classes and incorporated our learnings so we could drill down even further into our bodies and minds. She opened my eyes about how I stand and walk and how we could leverage subtle awareness to maintain alignment.

A visit to the Yuba River for a change of scenery

As someone who has a tough time sitting still and focusing when it comes to learning – or really anything in general – Dee invited us to move our bodies and use props as it very much enforced the learnings of constant, varied movement. We passed joints and dabs as we learned about terpenes and how they affect our nervous system. My brain and body were so zoned into the room that it almost felt like being on Adderall – with less shakiness and more snack breaks. Our minds and conversations were present and open.

The weather changed and the clouds came in as the first days passed. Our outdoor lessons eventually made it indoors as we learned by the fireplace in our living room.

By the second day, our peer groups started leading our daily yoga classes instead of Dee. One by one, my peers nervously walked to the front of our “yoga studio” to lead ten minutes of a 40-minute class in their group of 4. By the end of the first student-led class, I felt like I learned so much more about the ladies teaching class, as if they each offered a bit of their soul and wisdom in their teachings.

I was part of the second group and we were going to teach class the following afternoon. I had an idea of what to do after watching the first group and the poses I wanted to lead. Along the Yuba River surrounded by trees and a beautiful bridge, our group talked about some of the poses we could teach and expand on to speak to our learnings. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the group who’s never taught a class or taken an official 200-hour yoga teacher training.

I was flying pretty blind. I had an idea of a sequence that would emphasize the body parts we just learned about. I knew what I loved in my favorite yoga classes and teachers. I knew that I wanted to bring an element of embodiment or mindfulness into my teaching.

I ended up taking the last part of the class and would lead my friends from child’s pose into a couple closing stretches before a juicy meditation and shavasana.

Holy shit, how did I get here?

Views from our yoga studio in the woods

It’s hard not to freak out when you’re asked to teach part of a yoga class. I’ve been a student since 2007-ish and even today, my yoga practice is ever-changing. I found some moments to myself as we drove home from our walk in the River and in my room to think about my “teaching.” I thought about how I’d want to unwind after the movement of the three sessions ahead of mine. I thought about what I wanted to express to these strangers. I wanted to show my true self, but also let the cannabis speak for me.

Our group set up the room, my three friends taught their lessons before me, and then I walked up to the front of the class to get situated on my mat. I’m not even really sure what I said or what my body did, but I found a way to teach a practice nestled within gratitude, mindfulness, and embodiment.

I remember bits of my meditation where I asked my friends to take notice of their bones and all the work they do for us; how strong their muscles were to climb up stairs and the rocks along the River we visited earlier that day; and to offer extra gratitude to their pelvis as it helps to carry them. I went a little woo and witchy with my practice, but honestly, it felt right.

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I felt like I shed something after that class — as if all of the fear I was holding onto and my hesitancy to show people my true self left my body — and I felt lighter. Now that the scary part was over, I could dive back into the present moment where my new friends were prepping our communal dinner, sitting around our love altar reading their oracle messages, and building friendship.

There was definitely a slumber party vibe as the week progressed. There was chocolate and sweets everywhere; we all brought out our favorite essential oils and natural immunity boosting remedies to share. Girls started teaching others about their expertise – whether it was rolling joints, making herbal blends, or learning how to twerk while wearing a Harry Potter onesie.

Yes, it truly is always the quiet ones who surprise you <3

It may have been all of the cannabis, or maybe it was the divine feminine energy in the air all week, but there was definitely a moment where I looked at Dee and felt like she was our own, real-life Ms. Frizzle and she was taking us on this journey diving deep into the cells of our body to understand our bones, joints, ligaments, THC, and each other.

She’d spend the mornings blowing our minds with information about alignment, what to look when buying cannabis, and how to go within to figure out the type of yoga teacher we wanted to be. She’d lay around with us after dinner as we shared joints, while still educating us about all nine of the dabs we tried from our rosin buffet line. 

Sunlit forest walks with Maude as our leader <3

Hanging out in between lessons outside

OK, maybe it was definitely the cannabis, but it was so lovely to be enveloped by this hive of women (and my new friend Dana ;)) who had so much to offer and share with each other. We learned how to work with each other, to use each other’s strengths, and to ask for help when we needed it.

Whether it was making delicious toast and lattes in the morning, dazzling us with an amazing, impromptu zucchini bread, rolling a dozen joints for us in what literally felt like minutes, we were all interconnected.

By the last night, we had our groove going. Some of us assumed our positions in the kitchen with amazing recipes in mind, others were in their bunk bed-laden rooms creating a cacophony of infectious laughter and jokes (I love you Kels and Des <3)), the rest of us were doing our own things, whether in meditation wrapped inside the sauna bed (YES, that was a thing), or in deep conversation with their buddy.

Our last morning of the retreat was tender and no one really wanted to leave. Some friends left early in the morning to catch flights home. Others stayed back to get our Stone House back to what it was before our arrival.

I spent some lingering moments laying by our love circle sipping on my coffee, listening to Dana whistle while he put dishes away, hearing the rain tap the roof, wishing for the moment to last forever. I knew what we cultivated out there in the woods was something so special and hard to re-create.

Our windows in the living room overlooked cabins and campsites below, the majestic trees lined every trail. We had our own hideout in mother nature and I tried so hard to savor all of those moments.

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After so many hugs and cuddles, I eventually left our hideout and finally turned on NPR in the car to hear how bad Covid-19 was tearing through the world. I stopped through Nevada City and Grass Valley as the snow started to come down and locals were out and about gathering supplies.

Snow started to fall as I drove through Nevada City on my way home

The come down back into real life those first couple of days were hard – and my longing for friends and community still continues to be a noticeable part of these shelter-at-home days. I left an environment where I was hugging new friends so hard, I could feel their breath and heartbeat, to being told to be at least six feet away from any person that crossed my tracks. The re-integration back into society has been a real trip. I miss those commune vibes we built and all those beautiful souls I met.

Gather ‘round our love circle 💓

The future is up in the air and feels out of control. But you can control your reaction to what’s going on outside. Stay indoors to prevent the spread of this disease. Find a movement or meditation practice so you can find ways to feel grounded in this chaos. I’m loving Dee’s Ganja Yoga Online courses and started taking The Class online pretty much everyday to maintain sanity and to release stagnant energy.

After taking Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training, I feel like she equipped me with all of this knowledge that I will continue to take into my everyday life for years to come. I feel like I’m more conscious of body pain because I understand how my joints and body loads can affect how I move. I’m so much more knowledgeable about THC, terpenes, and good growers so I can make more informed choices about the cannabis I’m consuming.

Eat healthy food, drink a ton of water, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t worry about how your body is changing in this new routine.

Take care of yourself and find your community — whether in a digital landscape or as you’re walking around the neighborhood. We will get through this.

Thank you, Dee, for taking us along for the ride <3

Careers and Cannabis: Setting intentions on this magical 11/11 day

In an effort to figure out what I want in my next career, I started offering pro bono work to get myself “back in the saddle” so to speak. I’ve spent the last five years writing for a big corporate company and I have missed writing meaningful, long-form content about something that matters to me.

For the last five years, I’ve been taken care of as an employee and have fully experienced the “corporate life.” The flexibility my company gives me is priceless, but I miss managing my own relationships with clients.

I miss working for a small business owner – where we’d chat over the phone, figure out what their business goals and brand voice were, and craft their story. I’ve been interviewing in San Francisco for about a year now. I’ve had dozens of conversations with recruiters; nailed down my elevator pitch of who I am, where I’ve been, and what I want next; I made it to the final interview stages with Slack and Abstract just to find out that someone else outperformed me.

After interviewing and not finding the right company that would pay me what I’m worth or offered a role that actually interested me, I decided to take back my career. Where my current gig allows me to have the lifestyle I want, I want my side hustle to inspire me again.

For my first pro bono client, I wanted to find a local, female-owned business that I could offer content writing and consulting. I wanted to find a brand I already loved. I wanted to offer my time in the form of web page optimization, newsletter writing, and content strategy.

My first client was Psychic Medium, Astrologer, and lovely lady behind Ghost of a Podcast, Jessica Lanyadoo. I’ve been helping her with content since mid-summer and am happy to say that she’s now a paying client ;) I learned how to communicate my expertise and how it could apply to her work and content needs.

In my next chapter, I want a creative content writing job in the cannabis industry. I brought on Dee Dussault, founder of Ganja Yoga, as my latest pro bono client. My thinking was that before I fully enter the cannabis industry, I’d like to show up to interviews with a portfolio of content I’ve already created in the space.

I had a high-dea one day that I’d craft my own version of a cannabis writing internship where I could offer my content expertise and ideas in exchange for some real-life practice to learn a bit about the industry from a wise sage.

Dee and I are currently working together and I’m so excited to see where it takes us.

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I went to my first yoga class in 2007. I moved home after college and one of my SDSU friends invited me to a yoga class at our local gym. I was intrigued by this form of exercise and I moved and stretched in ways that I never had in a cardio or pilates class. And for the past 12 years, I’ve showed up to yoga to not only to sweat and move, but to be mindful of my breath, body and thoughts.

I started smoking weed before yoga classes not too long ago and since then, my practice has totally changed. My connection to spirit and the voice inside me awakens when I smoke and practice. I can breathe life into the parts of my body that are in pain. I can find gratitude in all that is around me even when my mind is anticipating worst possible scenarios in every life situation.

When my brain is overthinking, I can process and leave those issues and negative thoughts on my mat because I can see clearly after a really heart-opening class. My yoga practice is like my religion. It’s my community and I can be whatever I want in a safe space.

In a recent yoga class, our instructor asked us to set the intention of baring witness to our own practice and to be proud of whatever level we were at that day. I’ve seen how much my practice and my actual human experience has grown in the last 12 years. Because yoga allows me to quiet my brain for those 60 minutes, I return to my mat every week to check in with myself and release.

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Dee has been teaching yoga classes and leading teacher trainings that are enhanced with the use of cannabis. Whether in the form of topicals, edibles, smoke, or vape, students come together to hang, share a smoke sesh, and practice a slow and restorative yoga class. I first learned about Ganja Yoga when my man and I went to this cannabis yoga class and I’ve been following ever since.

I went to Dee’s 10-year anniversary party in Oakland this past month. I got a sense of the yoga community that she’s cultivated. I got caught up in the haze of chatting with strangers and sunbathing on the patio. Her restorative class and the plumes of smoke I enjoyed before class allowed me to listen to my body and my heart. Her class was complete with an amazing sound bath that took my senses to another dimension.

“You’ve come so far. You’ve healed. Look at how far you’ve come since then,” my soul told me as my body sunk into the floor beneath me.

You can’t walk out of a ganja yoga class without feeling lighter and like you filled your own cup.

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As I’ve been researching Dee and her Ganja Yoga business to help craft my content, I discovered that one of her yoga teach alums, Brittany, taught a weekly class in Oakland. I treated myself to a ticket and was excited to practice again.

I walked into the space -- an ad agency by day and cannabis-friendly art and event space by night and weekend. The sweetest man named Sam greeted me and asked if this was my first time doing ganja yoga. We exchanged words for a few minutes before I made my way up to the third floor of an old building overlooking Telegraph Ave below and across the street from the stunning Fox Theater.

Views from Ganja Yoga in Oakland

There were a few people smoking outside, others were setting up their mat and chatting with friends inside. It was a foggy-turned-sunny autumn day in downtown Oakland. The friends sitting next to my right were rolling an impressive joint and about to start a Cat Tarot spread. Intrigued, I watched on in awe. The couple down the table from me were chatting and giggling and the others sitting across from me were having an insightful conversation about cannabis and life.

These are my people. No judgement. Just love and community.

I sipped some tea and we passed around joints and got to know each other. We came from all walks of life. Ages, ethnicities, interests. At the core, we were a group of people who carved out a few hours of their Saturday to smoke, gather among friends, and practice yoga.

Brittany eventually started class and offered the intention of taking notice of the things in life we are resisting. So often, a yoga instructor will start a class with mindful breathing and intention setting. Since incorporating weed into yoga, I’ve experienced a deeper understanding of intention, my body and mind.

I am an over-thinker in all waking hours. Always thinking about the stupid thing I said on a conference call. Or thinking about my next vacation with the love of my life. Or thinking about what to pick up for dinner. I often find myself thinking for my future self and yoga has helped me get back to present. Yoga quiets my mind so that I can become one with my breath. It’s an amazing feeling and keeps me coming back to my mat every week.

Brittany led us through a beautiful flow, with a few laughs in between poses, while sprinkling in things to reflect.

Since deepening my yoga practice with cannabis, I’ve started closing my eyes during the first few poses of a yoga class. It lets me listen in and pay attention to what my body’s telling me and where it’s holding stress and anxiety. It shows me where to release.

I distinctly remember coming out of meditation and opening my eyes after what felt like 20 minutes in child’s pose. My mat was near the door to the deck where everyone was hanging out before class.

My eyes opened up to a handwritten note on a whiteboard outside:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

Be gentle with yourself. I started to tear up. After meditating on the things I was resisting the moments before, I knew the universe and voice inside me was telling me everything was going to be OK.

It’s in these moments of clarity and encouragement that it’s been reinstated that I’m on the right path. That all of the wants and choices I had in the past have led me to where I am today. It’s these yoga instructors that bring together a collective to not only have a shared experience, but to be present with ourselves.

It’s why getting closer to myself and my experience has been terrifying but exhilarating. It’s because I know I’m capable of anything I want.

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When I was in my mid-20s working as an Editor-in-Chief of some fancy digital magazine in San Diego, I wanted to leave that job and I told myself that one day I’d be one of the voices behind a big American brand. I’m doing that today. I accomplished that goal. And now I’m ready to take on more.

The time and energy that I’ve set aside to take on pro bono clients has been striking. I have a perspective. I have an expertise. I have a voice and a strategy. I’m not afraid of what comes next.

I saw Jenny Slate perform a reading from her new book “Little Weirds” last night. Before she read her final piece and last chapter of the book, she said that while dealing with the aftermath of life, she wrote the book in order to heal and soothe herself. What a beautiful reminder that our creativity can be an outlet for healing and figuring out what we want next.

As she read the last pages of her book with the intentions she had for her future self, I leave you with this.

You will carve your own way. You will communicate your needs and desires. You will write creatively and not be afraid. You will make what you love your reality.

How I spent 60 days with Jessica Lanyadoo’s weekly horoscope and a lunar planner to deepen my spiritual practice

I’ve been on a spiritual path since my mid-20s, right before what I learned to be my Saturn Return. I always knew that organized religion wasn’t my thing so I sought out my own journey. I’m coming to terms with my overly sensitive, empathetic and analytical Cancer ways. My yoga practice has been going strong for 12 years and I’m finally able quiet my brain enough to have a quasi-daily meditation practice. It’s still in its beginning stages, but alas, I’m trying to listen and follow the lead. 

One of my goals this year was to deepen the relationship I have with myself. A guiding influence that I’ve relied more heavily on was the astrological guidance from Bay Area astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, Jessica Lanyadoo.

I was first introduced to Jessica while writing a piece on the best psychics in San Francisco. We exchanged emails and I fell in love with her philosophy of pragmatics and overall tenderness in her guidance and advice. Ever since I wrote that story in 2015, I’ve been captivated by her style, words and work. While I developed my own relationship with some of the psychics and astrologers I interviewed, I was captivated by Jessica’s style and the way she views outside forces – like the movement of planets and the moon – to show how it all relates to how we perceive the world around us.

A screenshot from Tiny Spark

Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know Jessica better through her amazing weekly podcast, Ghost of a Podcast; her appearances on TLC show, “Stargazing;” her Oracle-like iOS app called Tiny Spark; and her weekly horoscopes. 

In a way to organize my thoughts, my guidance, and all of Jessica’s juicy and insightful support, I started jotting down her sage advice in a lunar calendar. I picked up the Many Moons lunar planner and decided that I’d really start diving into the practice.

My goal was to track my emotions and feelings in line with the moon cycle and use Jessica’s advice as a sounding board. It was comforting to know that people were going through similar growing pains and Jessica’s weekly astrology run down always gave me some peace of mind.

The simple act of acknowledging where my mind wandered in relation to what was going on in the sky comforted my anxiousness tenfold. 

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For the past 60 days, I’ve used Jessica’s podcast and weekly horoscopes, an Oracle deck, and lunar calendar to pay attention to what’s happening in the stars and the moon – and how it all relates to my emotions and experience. Here’s what I did:

• I would listen to Jessica’s podcast twice a week if I could.

• I created a weekly ritual where I set time aside every Wednesday to read her weekly horoscope and write down what resonated with me or what I should be looking out for.

• I would open up her Tiny Spark app for guidance and to take inventory of what I felt around me.

• I used my Oracle deck for confirmation in what I was seeking or experiencing. 

• I would spark up to try and get even more present.

• And I wrote all of my notes using Jelly Roll pastel pens :)

What I love about this lunar planner is that its author speaks to those who work with the guidance from tarot and oracle cards, as well as those who are interested in new moon practices. I followed the January Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Shed and Shine ritual and I definitely noticed the power in reflecting and noticing of what you’re ready to let go of. Jessica had such sweet words during this eclipse. I wrote down things like “Do away with idealism and accept this moment as it is” and “You are meant to look at things plainly as they are.”

The Many Moons planner continues to provide me great guidance on what’s going on in the stars and planets and how I can harness the energy around me as helpful, intuitive direction through life.

The practice of tracking movement in the universe and how it relates to my experience has been fascinating and opened up my ideas of how humankind can be so affected by the ever-changing moon phases and the movement of our planets. I listened to Jessica’s guidance every week as a way to be super aware of my thoughts and emotions and how they could be amplified based on what was going on in the stars.

Jessica Lanyadoo’s Tips for Love <3

Her words were encouraging and allowed me to look at the big picture when it felt like things were going to shit. I pulled cards from my Oracle deck when I need confirmation and comfort when I felt like I was moving in the wrong direction.

Like when I made it to the final round of interviews with Slack, only to find out they moved on with another writer. I wrote down the Oracle’s advice during early January to help support my emotional self:

“Don’t be scared by perceptions of disappointment…These are just signs that the mind needs to let go of control and trust more conditionally in the goodness of life.

Or when I was feeling the intensity of the first quarter moon right before Valentine’s Day and the Full Supermoon the following week, Jessica offered wise wisdom like “Align your actions with your desires” or “Cultivate the willingness to look honestly at what you want” or one of my favorites:

“Pay attention to your body and the ways it houses your emotions. Watch your impulses so that you don’t act out of emotion or without consideration for the consequences. Acting from a place of ego will backfire on you.” 

—-

As someone who gets hung up in their own thought patterns and feels anxiety over the smallest of things, tracking the lunar cycle with Jessica’s advice and astrology has allowed me to feel like I’m not alone.

Jessica is creating a community of like-minded people who are interested in learning more about their birth chart, sun sign and the characteristics attached to it, and how our entire solar system can deeply affect our emotions and experience.

I always thought I was the only weird one in my friend circle who showed an interest in astrology, my sign, and this idea of taking notice of the environment around us for guidance. But Jessica Lanyadoo’s astrology and heart-felt advice, my lunar calendar, and an Oracle deck has absolutely supported my day-to-day and the goals I set forth. 

If there’s anything I learned in 2018, it’s that you already know what you need. The voice inside you, your inner child or spirit as some might know it most, is helping to guide your way. Whether or not you acknowledge that voice or intuition is up to you.

While you may not subscribe to the idea of astrology, it’s hard not to forget that we are all made of stardust.

Conversations with myself: Know your worth

How many people will agree with me when I say that 2018 was a real mother’ of a year. Politically, societally, culturally, astrologically, mentally. Last year knocked me off my feet and I’m eager to move forward into the New Year, take what I learned, and grow from it.

I’ve been struggling with this idea of knowing my worth. Negotiating my worth and having to prove it to others. I put myself out there in SO many ways last year and I’m still reflecting on the outcome of what I manifested.

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I’m in the process of looking for a new job and it’s been amazing to step back and see where I’ve come. I’ve had my head in the clouds doing the corporate thing and it’s been four years since I’ve looked for a new job. I can’t believe how much my professional life has grown. How did four years feel like it flashed by in a moment?

One of the most tedious parts of finding a new job is updating all of your records on career finder sites. I got a reminder the other day from Monster.com that my profile was about to expire. I logged in and started cleaning up house, adding my latest accolades and experience working at my current role.

I got into a black hole somehow and started editing a previous resume from years ago. It was so early on in my career that my internships and lackluster content farm jobs were at the top of the list.

How often do we reflect on how far we come? I’ve been so focused on moving forward, growing, expanding, making and doing more, that I forgot, for a moment, where I’ve come.

Before I started my current job, I felt like my professional career was a hot mess. I started writing professionally in 2006 and interned at a real estate and luxury lifestyle magazine in San Diego, eventually climbing up the ladder to Editorial Assistant. I got a glimpse into what it was like to actually work at a paper magazine. I expanded my territory and my skills a bit and found myself working for a rad luxury magazine in Orange County.

I acted as the assistant to an affluent editor who allowed me to have a voice in art design and schedule and manage photoshoots and writer assignments. It was a dream and I felt powerful when I’d show up to a media party and people knew who I was.

And then the recession hit. All of the magazines I wrote for started shutting down because they couldn’t afford printing costs. People were going digital and so were the jobs.

I pivoted my writing style and learned how to write SEO copy. It definitely wasn’t as glam as my previous jobs. I wasn’t writing about the season’s hottest beauty products or a $5 million home in Malibu. I was writing 500 word “blogs” at a content farm about topics using keywords like “nuts and bolts” or “patio furniture.” The office was kind of a mess, the work was silly, but I met one of my greatest friends there in that office. And not to mention, the teachings and the tools of the SEO world.

Online marketing and SEO weren’t really going anywhere at the time so I worked at a few other agencies writing optimized content for all sorts of clients. I eventually focused on freelance and contract work where I could find it. Through my network of friends and colleagues, I landed gigs writing product specs for Charlotte Russe; proofreading newsletters for the United Way of San Diego; crafting blogs posts for a social media consultant; editing and ghostwriting a book for a financial advisor; and so much more.

One of my favorite jobs was writing content for the marketing group at Intuit TurboTax. I was absolutely thrilled working there. The campus was amazing, the talent there was outstanding, and the company was so efficient in the way it worked. After my season at TurboTax ended, I was eager to get back into the corporate world. I told myself that one day, I’d be the voice behind a major American brand.

I got a small taste of corporate life when I started freelancing for JP Morgan Chase but I wanted more…and I couldn’t find it in San Diego. I told myself that if I couldn’t find a decent job by the end of 2014, I was going to move to Bali for a few months to reset some intentions, goals — my life.

And then I got a call from a recruiter who found me my current role.

Four years later, I’m leaving a place that helped to shape me into the professional I am today. I found my voice working in the corporate world and now I know I want more from myself and the company. I want to stretch my creative muscle again and tell the story behind a brand that’s doing something important for this world.

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I was chatting with a friend awhile back and she mentioned that during her path to discovering self-care, she learned how to “come into her power.” By spending time learning how to become her authentic self, she was learning how to understand and take control of the power she held within.

Now that we’re 11 days into the New Year, I’m ready for change and I accept the challenge. I’m ready to stretch, learn and be the voice I always knew I wanted to be.

With all of these experiences in all of these forms, I’m understanding how I value myself, my time, and my worth. I used to find discomfort with my work experience because I moved around and learned so many different trades. But now I appreciate all of my past jobs and clients because they got me to where I am today. And I am grateful.

Conversations about Fierce Self-Care with Riyana Rose Sang

Riyana Rose Sang sets a table full of tarot cards, crystals and candles

Do weird surprises just show up on your lap and something within you says, “Yeah, you should totally say yes to that…even though you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”? It happens to me. Pretty often in fact. I have really good luck with stumbling across a person, place or thing and without having any sort of sense of fear, I just say yes to whatever it is and it ends up being something so beyond my belief.

I stumbled across this event in San Francisco through a sponsored Facebook post and without so much as reading its title and price tag, I decided to sign up for what turned out to the most heart-opening experience with strangers I’ve had in a long time. The event was Rosa Mystica Rising: Herbal Self Care for Witches, Healers & Creatives.

“This daylong deep dive is a devotional experience of tapping into the energy, wisdom, and healing of the earth and the energy, wisdom, and healing inherent in our own bodies and spirits, once we can find our way through the daily noise and move towards silence and deep listening,” I read in the event descriptions.

Yes. This is so up my alley. Where’s my credit card?!

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Little did I know that this Herbal Self Care retreat would not only teach me how to make my own herbal infused body oils and the healing powers of plants, but it also provided me with a total self-love, women’s group therapy, crack-your-heart-wide-open experience that blew me away. And it was something I didn’t realize I needed until the moment happened.

Riyana Rose Sang is an herbalist, mom, doula, and former street activist who used to get “excited to get arrested for the earth.” My kind of lady for sure. She gathered us all around and started off our day by discussing this resurgence of “witch craft” and all its forms.

Mercury retrograde memes, tarot readings, astrology, crystals. I’m guilty of all of them. But at the same time, there is some truth to the gaining interest in plant-based medicine and a curiosity for spiritualities outside of what we grew up with.

Riyana teaches us how to make our own herbal-infused oils and heart-opening cacao concoctions

We started by sharing with the group our intentions for the day. We sat around a table Riyana set with two decks of tarot cards, crystals, flowers and candles. We went around the room, we shared our names, preferred pronouns, and intentions for the day.

After a gnarly year, my intention for the day was to learn how to listen and trust myself and my instincts. And to be open to the divine connection between my self, soul and spirit.

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Riyana led us through a discussion on what she calls fierce self-care. It’s this idea of finding ways to nourish ourselves in order to grow, expand and connect to the bigger part of the world. We’re all experiencing this evolution of change and we’re being encouraged to confront our emotions. It’s the idea that we’re empowered to take responsibility of our own health and bring awareness to the choices that present themselves to us. And in the end, we radiate a sense of self-respect and self-love. We’re “showing up” as better people because we’re taking better care of ourselves.

Mind. Blown.

As we discussed our own ideas of self-worthiness, our group really connected over this idea of feeling like we’ve had to prove our own worth to ourselves.

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After what felt like a heart-opening group therapy session, we started diving deeper into the stellar benefits of working with plant-based rituals. I know you’re probably thinking, “Oh, wow Nadia is going a little overboard with this hippie dippie ‘plant-based’ talk,” but you guys. Don’t knock ‘til you try it. I’ve integrated plant-based medicine into my normal routine and I can safely say (knock on wood) that I haven’t gotten sick in 2+ years. Not a cold, not a flu, no nothing. And I owe it all to:

• Listening to my body

• Looking out for germy situations to fight earlier against them (thanks to my very germ-aware work wife for pointing out how gross people can be :))

• And the oregano oil tincture that I always carry on me (which when frequently explodes in my purse makes me waft the rankest, weed-iest smell)

The makings of one of Riyana’s Nourishing Infusions

Riyana led us through a demo of what she calls Nourishing Infusions. The simple action of making a tea and letting it sit overnight creates this beautiful plant-based ritual that I totally want to make part of my morning routine. We learned these amazing things like the nourishing benefits of oatstraw, which Riyana adorably calls like a “hug to your nervous system.” Plus, it’s good for feelings of overwhelm, stress and anxiety, so count me in. Red clover leaf is nourishing to our hormonal systems and is gently detoxifying. Red raspberry leaves help balance our hormonal levels and improve the brilliance of our hair, nails and teeth.

After nerding out on plants we all shared a meal together and got to know each other more openly. Someone at our table spoke up and asked if we could all go around the table and tell each other one thing that we loved about ourselves. Everyone came up with a beautiful answer. I love this ice breaker and I’m totally going to try this in real life.

After lunch, Riyana led us through a movement exercise that was paired with the senses of embodiment and smell. We got the down low on some of her favorite essential oils and dabbed a bit on our wrists and mindfully moved around the room to her voice and soft music.

This experience felt a bit mystical to me, as silly as that sounds. But I was surrounded by dozens of like-minded women who were all relying on the healing scents of geranium, lemon, Roman chamomile, patchouli, and others to just feel what was going on in their body or the emotions and feelings running through them. I dabbed a bit of patchouli and bergamot on my wrist and kinda just moved around the room and stretched. I found myself in the corner of the room, under a frosted window. It seemed like the sunniest spot in the room that moment. I just kinda shook my body around after sneaking in another whiff of my wrist. The scents were invigorating and I felt like I was opening up a bit more while feeling what was going on in my body and brain.

After a few more moments, Riyana asked us to journal our answer to, “Right now, I feel…”

“Right now, I feel open to possibilities. Open to letting of what no longer is needed,” I wrote down.

Riyana led us through a beautiful journal exercise with prompts about how we can find more balance and nourishment in our lives. It was truly amazing to witness where my heart and soul went while I inhaled the mixture of scents on my wrist. Riyana asked us to feel what came through from the plants. I felt lightness, in both form of weight and luminescence.

After re-looking at these notes while writing this post, my answers about the lightness I felt in that moment seemed to propel me to where I am today. I truly think that my experience with Riyana’s self-love retreat helped me to get out of my funk and get me back to what truly matters.

A witches brew: Riyana’s blend of herbal oils in the front and our cacao mixture in the back. Both were delicious.

As we closed out our day, Riyana walked us through a cacao ceremony. She told us about the heart-opening properties of this plant and how it helps to bring more oxygen to your brain by opening up your veins. Before we took our first sip of her amazing mixture, we took a few moments to have a conversation with ourselves.

Yes, it sounds a little crazy, but it was so therapeutic to take a moment to listen to Riyana’s gentle voice, to ponder the next steps to our healing path, and to think of something that we’re ready to let go. My heart and soul were so wide open by this point in the day. I could feel a stream of tears coming down my cheek as I heard some others releasing pain of their own.

From there, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Back to reality.

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One of the first things that Riyana told us was how excited she was because the day of the retreat fell one day after the Autumn Equinox, where day and night, along with the earth’s gravitation pull, are in perfect balance. It’s all about balance.

2018 has been a real mother’ and it felt fulfilling and right and empowering to take an entire day out for myself to focus. I used to feel selfish for doing things for myself because I was so used to pleasing others first. But now I realize the act of self-love is nothing to hide or feel embarrassed about.

The act of self-love should embolden you.

For more information about Riyana, check her out here.