Conversations with myself: Know your worth

How many people will agree with me when I say that 2018 was a real mother’ of a year. Politically, societally, culturally, astrologically, mentally. Last year knocked me off my feet and I’m eager to move forward into the New Year, take what I learned, and grow from it.

I’ve been struggling with this idea of knowing my worth. Negotiating my worth and having to prove it to others. I put myself out there in SO many ways last year and I’m still reflecting on the outcome of what I manifested.

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I’m in the process of looking for a new job and it’s been amazing to step back and see where I’ve come. I’ve had my head in the clouds doing the corporate thing and it’s been four years since I’ve looked for a new job. I can’t believe how much my professional life has grown. How did four years feel like it flashed by in a moment?

One of the most tedious parts of finding a new job is updating all of your records on career finder sites. I got a reminder the other day from Monster.com that my profile was about to expire. I logged in and started cleaning up house, adding my latest accolades and experience working at my current role.

I got into a black hole somehow and started editing a previous resume from years ago. It was so early on in my career that my internships and lackluster content farm jobs were at the top of the list.

How often do we reflect on how far we come? I’ve been so focused on moving forward, growing, expanding, making and doing more, that I forgot, for a moment, where I’ve come.

Before I started my current job, I felt like my professional career was a hot mess. I started writing professionally in 2006 and interned at a real estate and luxury lifestyle magazine in San Diego, eventually climbing up the ladder to Editorial Assistant. I got a glimpse into what it was like to actually work at a paper magazine. I expanded my territory and my skills a bit and found myself working for a rad luxury magazine in Orange County.

I acted as the assistant to an affluent editor who allowed me to have a voice in art design and schedule and manage photoshoots and writer assignments. It was a dream and I felt powerful when I’d show up to a media party and people knew who I was.

And then the recession hit. All of the magazines I wrote for started shutting down because they couldn’t afford printing costs. People were going digital and so were the jobs.

I pivoted my writing style and learned how to write SEO copy. It definitely wasn’t as glam as my previous jobs. I wasn’t writing about the season’s hottest beauty products or a $5 million home in Malibu. I was writing 500 word “blogs” at a content farm about topics using keywords like “nuts and bolts” or “patio furniture.” The office was kind of a mess, the work was silly, but I met one of my greatest friends there in that office. And not to mention, the teachings and the tools of the SEO world.

Online marketing and SEO weren’t really going anywhere at the time so I worked at a few other agencies writing optimized content for all sorts of clients. I eventually focused on freelance and contract work where I could find it. Through my network of friends and colleagues, I landed gigs writing product specs for Charlotte Russe; proofreading newsletters for the United Way of San Diego; crafting blogs posts for a social media consultant; editing and ghostwriting a book for a financial advisor; and so much more.

One of my favorite jobs was writing content for the marketing group at Intuit TurboTax. I was absolutely thrilled working there. The campus was amazing, the talent there was outstanding, and the company was so efficient in the way it worked. After my season at TurboTax ended, I was eager to get back into the corporate world. I told myself that one day, I’d be the voice behind a major American brand.

I got a small taste of corporate life when I started freelancing for JP Morgan Chase but I wanted more…and I couldn’t find it in San Diego. I told myself that if I couldn’t find a decent job by the end of 2014, I was going to move to Bali for a few months to reset some intentions, goals — my life.

And then I got a call from a recruiter who found me my current role.

Four years later, I’m leaving a place that helped to shape me into the professional I am today. I found my voice working in the corporate world and now I know I want more from myself and the company. I want to stretch my creative muscle again and tell the story behind a brand that’s doing something important for this world.

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I was chatting with a friend awhile back and she mentioned that during her path to discovering self-care, she learned how to “come into her power.” By spending time learning how to become her authentic self, she was learning how to understand and take control of the power she held within.

Now that we’re 11 days into the New Year, I’m ready for change and I accept the challenge. I’m ready to stretch, learn and be the voice I always knew I wanted to be.

With all of these experiences in all of these forms, I’m understanding how I value myself, my time, and my worth. I used to find discomfort with my work experience because I moved around and learned so many different trades. But now I appreciate all of my past jobs and clients because they got me to where I am today. And I am grateful.