Allow me to re-introduce myself

Hi, hello and welcome. This page has been dormant since the start of COVID. Life has been weird and exhilarating since my last post in March 2020.

I moved out of the Bay Area and now split my time between two cities I love. I’ve experienced loss in various forms. I’ve gained memories and experiences across the world with strangers who I now call friends.

And more recently, I’ve started a brand new journey. The title of it is still to come, but what I’m about to do over the next 90 days is something I’ve dreamed about for years.

Since getting laid off this past August, I’ve re-established my ideas on success, what it looks like, and how I intend to spend my newly found free time.

I’ve been given this amazing gift of freedom, a supporting and loving base of humans in my life, and the ability to continuously remain in the present.

Over the last two months of unemployment I’ve spent time lounging around with my dogs, I’ve caught up with old friends, I’ve organized my living spaces, and I’ve spent time volunteering. These are the things I missed the most when I was so caught up in weekly deadlines, quarterly performance reports, and back-to-back meetings.

Over the last 19 years, I’ve found so much success in my career and professional life that I lost touch with what actually makes me happy vs. what I’m good at doing.

At this moment, it’s 5:45am and I’m sitting in my room in Hyderabad, India. I’m surrounded by my favorite travel things, about to spend some time traveling Asia with family, and I get to start each morning asking myself what I want to do and how I want to spend my time.

That is a gift that 10 years in the corporate world would never permit.

My intention is to get back to travel writing again. Nadia Wanders is such a beautiful outlet for me, and it’s time to start reinvesting in it.

So, follow me along as I travel this wonderful, chaotic world.

Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in the Midst of Covid-19: Bringing Community and Cannabis Together

It’s been 11 days since I floated down from the astral plane that was Dee Dussault’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training in Nevada City. For six days, I was surrounded by 15 strangers as we immersed ourselves into the bio mechanics of our body and its movement, shared meals and walks together, learned what makes a great yoga teacher, and smoked some amazingly delicious, locally-grown, cannabis.

Dee teaches us allll the ways — while basking in the morning sunlight

At the end of those six days, my brain was full of life lessons and knowledge about plant medicine and our endocannabinoid system. My heart was saturated with love coming in from every angle imaginable. My body felt so nourished by the delicious food, coffee, and movement we all shared. My soul came alive after spending those six days in pure cannabliss. 

I felt the souls of all of my new friends and sisters. We created a space and community within those walls – so much so that I felt myself let go so I could walk head on into the transition that is life right now.

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I’m not really sure what my expectation of Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training was before I arrived. Life was so all over the place before the training that I barely had time to finish all of assigned readings. I was traveling non-stop and had a super-packed social calendar the whole month prior to the training.

I wrote and edited content for Dee for a couple months and had an idea of her style and the community she’s been cultivating all these years. I was excited for a full immersion, whatever that may be. 

I packed up my rental car just as the Grand Princess cruise ship docked miles away from me in Oakland; before Corona Virus was called a pandemic; before the Bay Area was put into lock down mode. I was happy to leave my routine for a bit to get into nature, make some new friends, and smoke some cannabis with like-minded yogis.

While the entire globe was ramping up for the pandemic, we were in the forest near Nevada City, CA learning about biomechanics, getting more tuned into our bodies and emotions, and letting plant-medicine bring us all together to spark energy and conversation. Dee was our spirit and science guide as we built our understanding of the foundations of our body, relationship with cannabis, and yoga practice.

I had no idea the mess I’d come home to.

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As soon as I walked into our Airbnb for the week, I was welcomed into our home with loving arms. Two friends from Montreal greeted me sweetly with their beautiful accents. Dee gave me the biggest hug like we were old friends. As soon as I sat down, I lit a lovely pre-roll and started my journey far from reality and responsibility.

Our outdoor classroom outside of our Stone House

We spent the first couple of days getting to know each other, having our lessons outside in the sun, as Dee led us through conversations about our endocannabinoid system and the interconnectedness of our feet, legs, joints, and bones. She led us through nightly yoga classes and incorporated our learnings so we could drill down even further into our bodies and minds. She opened my eyes about how I stand and walk and how we could leverage subtle awareness to maintain alignment.

A visit to the Yuba River for a change of scenery

As someone who has a tough time sitting still and focusing when it comes to learning – or really anything in general – Dee invited us to move our bodies and use props as it very much enforced the learnings of constant, varied movement. We passed joints and dabs as we learned about terpenes and how they affect our nervous system. My brain and body were so zoned into the room that it almost felt like being on Adderall – with less shakiness and more snack breaks. Our minds and conversations were present and open.

The weather changed and the clouds came in as the first days passed. Our outdoor lessons eventually made it indoors as we learned by the fireplace in our living room.

By the second day, our peer groups started leading our daily yoga classes instead of Dee. One by one, my peers nervously walked to the front of our “yoga studio” to lead ten minutes of a 40-minute class in their group of 4. By the end of the first student-led class, I felt like I learned so much more about the ladies teaching class, as if they each offered a bit of their soul and wisdom in their teachings.

I was part of the second group and we were going to teach class the following afternoon. I had an idea of what to do after watching the first group and the poses I wanted to lead. Along the Yuba River surrounded by trees and a beautiful bridge, our group talked about some of the poses we could teach and expand on to speak to our learnings. I’m pretty sure I was the only one in the group who’s never taught a class or taken an official 200-hour yoga teacher training.

I was flying pretty blind. I had an idea of a sequence that would emphasize the body parts we just learned about. I knew what I loved in my favorite yoga classes and teachers. I knew that I wanted to bring an element of embodiment or mindfulness into my teaching.

I ended up taking the last part of the class and would lead my friends from child’s pose into a couple closing stretches before a juicy meditation and shavasana.

Holy shit, how did I get here?

Views from our yoga studio in the woods

It’s hard not to freak out when you’re asked to teach part of a yoga class. I’ve been a student since 2007-ish and even today, my yoga practice is ever-changing. I found some moments to myself as we drove home from our walk in the River and in my room to think about my “teaching.” I thought about how I’d want to unwind after the movement of the three sessions ahead of mine. I thought about what I wanted to express to these strangers. I wanted to show my true self, but also let the cannabis speak for me.

Our group set up the room, my three friends taught their lessons before me, and then I walked up to the front of the class to get situated on my mat. I’m not even really sure what I said or what my body did, but I found a way to teach a practice nestled within gratitude, mindfulness, and embodiment.

I remember bits of my meditation where I asked my friends to take notice of their bones and all the work they do for us; how strong their muscles were to climb up stairs and the rocks along the River we visited earlier that day; and to offer extra gratitude to their pelvis as it helps to carry them. I went a little woo and witchy with my practice, but honestly, it felt right.

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I felt like I shed something after that class — as if all of the fear I was holding onto and my hesitancy to show people my true self left my body — and I felt lighter. Now that the scary part was over, I could dive back into the present moment where my new friends were prepping our communal dinner, sitting around our love altar reading their oracle messages, and building friendship.

There was definitely a slumber party vibe as the week progressed. There was chocolate and sweets everywhere; we all brought out our favorite essential oils and natural immunity boosting remedies to share. Girls started teaching others about their expertise – whether it was rolling joints, making herbal blends, or learning how to twerk while wearing a Harry Potter onesie.

Yes, it truly is always the quiet ones who surprise you <3

It may have been all of the cannabis, or maybe it was the divine feminine energy in the air all week, but there was definitely a moment where I looked at Dee and felt like she was our own, real-life Ms. Frizzle and she was taking us on this journey diving deep into the cells of our body to understand our bones, joints, ligaments, THC, and each other.

She’d spend the mornings blowing our minds with information about alignment, what to look when buying cannabis, and how to go within to figure out the type of yoga teacher we wanted to be. She’d lay around with us after dinner as we shared joints, while still educating us about all nine of the dabs we tried from our rosin buffet line. 

Sunlit forest walks with Maude as our leader <3

Hanging out in between lessons outside

OK, maybe it was definitely the cannabis, but it was so lovely to be enveloped by this hive of women (and my new friend Dana ;)) who had so much to offer and share with each other. We learned how to work with each other, to use each other’s strengths, and to ask for help when we needed it.

Whether it was making delicious toast and lattes in the morning, dazzling us with an amazing, impromptu zucchini bread, rolling a dozen joints for us in what literally felt like minutes, we were all interconnected.

By the last night, we had our groove going. Some of us assumed our positions in the kitchen with amazing recipes in mind, others were in their bunk bed-laden rooms creating a cacophony of infectious laughter and jokes (I love you Kels and Des <3)), the rest of us were doing our own things, whether in meditation wrapped inside the sauna bed (YES, that was a thing), or in deep conversation with their buddy.

Our last morning of the retreat was tender and no one really wanted to leave. Some friends left early in the morning to catch flights home. Others stayed back to get our Stone House back to what it was before our arrival.

I spent some lingering moments laying by our love circle sipping on my coffee, listening to Dana whistle while he put dishes away, hearing the rain tap the roof, wishing for the moment to last forever. I knew what we cultivated out there in the woods was something so special and hard to re-create.

Our windows in the living room overlooked cabins and campsites below, the majestic trees lined every trail. We had our own hideout in mother nature and I tried so hard to savor all of those moments.

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After so many hugs and cuddles, I eventually left our hideout and finally turned on NPR in the car to hear how bad Covid-19 was tearing through the world. I stopped through Nevada City and Grass Valley as the snow started to come down and locals were out and about gathering supplies.

Snow started to fall as I drove through Nevada City on my way home

The come down back into real life those first couple of days were hard – and my longing for friends and community still continues to be a noticeable part of these shelter-at-home days. I left an environment where I was hugging new friends so hard, I could feel their breath and heartbeat, to being told to be at least six feet away from any person that crossed my tracks. The re-integration back into society has been a real trip. I miss those commune vibes we built and all those beautiful souls I met.

Gather ‘round our love circle 💓

The future is up in the air and feels out of control. But you can control your reaction to what’s going on outside. Stay indoors to prevent the spread of this disease. Find a movement or meditation practice so you can find ways to feel grounded in this chaos. I’m loving Dee’s Ganja Yoga Online courses and started taking The Class online pretty much everyday to maintain sanity and to release stagnant energy.

After taking Dee’s Ganja Yoga Teacher Training, I feel like she equipped me with all of this knowledge that I will continue to take into my everyday life for years to come. I feel like I’m more conscious of body pain because I understand how my joints and body loads can affect how I move. I’m so much more knowledgeable about THC, terpenes, and good growers so I can make more informed choices about the cannabis I’m consuming.

Eat healthy food, drink a ton of water, be aware of your surroundings, and don’t worry about how your body is changing in this new routine.

Take care of yourself and find your community — whether in a digital landscape or as you’re walking around the neighborhood. We will get through this.

Thank you, Dee, for taking us along for the ride <3

Careers and Cannabis: Setting intentions on this magical 11/11 day

In an effort to figure out what I want in my next career, I started offering pro bono work to get myself “back in the saddle” so to speak. I’ve spent the last five years writing for a big corporate company and I have missed writing meaningful, long-form content about something that matters to me.

For the last five years, I’ve been taken care of as an employee and have fully experienced the “corporate life.” The flexibility my company gives me is priceless, but I miss managing my own relationships with clients.

I miss working for a small business owner – where we’d chat over the phone, figure out what their business goals and brand voice were, and craft their story. I’ve been interviewing in San Francisco for about a year now. I’ve had dozens of conversations with recruiters; nailed down my elevator pitch of who I am, where I’ve been, and what I want next; I made it to the final interview stages with Slack and Abstract just to find out that someone else outperformed me.

After interviewing and not finding the right company that would pay me what I’m worth or offered a role that actually interested me, I decided to take back my career. Where my current gig allows me to have the lifestyle I want, I want my side hustle to inspire me again.

For my first pro bono client, I wanted to find a local, female-owned business that I could offer content writing and consulting. I wanted to find a brand I already loved. I wanted to offer my time in the form of web page optimization, newsletter writing, and content strategy.

My first client was Psychic Medium, Astrologer, and lovely lady behind Ghost of a Podcast, Jessica Lanyadoo. I’ve been helping her with content since mid-summer and am happy to say that she’s now a paying client ;) I learned how to communicate my expertise and how it could apply to her work and content needs.

In my next chapter, I want a creative content writing job in the cannabis industry. I brought on Dee Dussault, founder of Ganja Yoga, as my latest pro bono client. My thinking was that before I fully enter the cannabis industry, I’d like to show up to interviews with a portfolio of content I’ve already created in the space.

I had a high-dea one day that I’d craft my own version of a cannabis writing internship where I could offer my content expertise and ideas in exchange for some real-life practice to learn a bit about the industry from a wise sage.

Dee and I are currently working together and I’m so excited to see where it takes us.

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I went to my first yoga class in 2007. I moved home after college and one of my SDSU friends invited me to a yoga class at our local gym. I was intrigued by this form of exercise and I moved and stretched in ways that I never had in a cardio or pilates class. And for the past 12 years, I’ve showed up to yoga to not only to sweat and move, but to be mindful of my breath, body and thoughts.

I started smoking weed before yoga classes not too long ago and since then, my practice has totally changed. My connection to spirit and the voice inside me awakens when I smoke and practice. I can breathe life into the parts of my body that are in pain. I can find gratitude in all that is around me even when my mind is anticipating worst possible scenarios in every life situation.

When my brain is overthinking, I can process and leave those issues and negative thoughts on my mat because I can see clearly after a really heart-opening class. My yoga practice is like my religion. It’s my community and I can be whatever I want in a safe space.

In a recent yoga class, our instructor asked us to set the intention of baring witness to our own practice and to be proud of whatever level we were at that day. I’ve seen how much my practice and my actual human experience has grown in the last 12 years. Because yoga allows me to quiet my brain for those 60 minutes, I return to my mat every week to check in with myself and release.

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Dee has been teaching yoga classes and leading teacher trainings that are enhanced with the use of cannabis. Whether in the form of topicals, edibles, smoke, or vape, students come together to hang, share a smoke sesh, and practice a slow and restorative yoga class. I first learned about Ganja Yoga when my man and I went to this cannabis yoga class and I’ve been following ever since.

I went to Dee’s 10-year anniversary party in Oakland this past month. I got a sense of the yoga community that she’s cultivated. I got caught up in the haze of chatting with strangers and sunbathing on the patio. Her restorative class and the plumes of smoke I enjoyed before class allowed me to listen to my body and my heart. Her class was complete with an amazing sound bath that took my senses to another dimension.

“You’ve come so far. You’ve healed. Look at how far you’ve come since then,” my soul told me as my body sunk into the floor beneath me.

You can’t walk out of a ganja yoga class without feeling lighter and like you filled your own cup.

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As I’ve been researching Dee and her Ganja Yoga business to help craft my content, I discovered that one of her yoga teach alums, Brittany, taught a weekly class in Oakland. I treated myself to a ticket and was excited to practice again.

I walked into the space -- an ad agency by day and cannabis-friendly art and event space by night and weekend. The sweetest man named Sam greeted me and asked if this was my first time doing ganja yoga. We exchanged words for a few minutes before I made my way up to the third floor of an old building overlooking Telegraph Ave below and across the street from the stunning Fox Theater.

Views from Ganja Yoga in Oakland

There were a few people smoking outside, others were setting up their mat and chatting with friends inside. It was a foggy-turned-sunny autumn day in downtown Oakland. The friends sitting next to my right were rolling an impressive joint and about to start a Cat Tarot spread. Intrigued, I watched on in awe. The couple down the table from me were chatting and giggling and the others sitting across from me were having an insightful conversation about cannabis and life.

These are my people. No judgement. Just love and community.

I sipped some tea and we passed around joints and got to know each other. We came from all walks of life. Ages, ethnicities, interests. At the core, we were a group of people who carved out a few hours of their Saturday to smoke, gather among friends, and practice yoga.

Brittany eventually started class and offered the intention of taking notice of the things in life we are resisting. So often, a yoga instructor will start a class with mindful breathing and intention setting. Since incorporating weed into yoga, I’ve experienced a deeper understanding of intention, my body and mind.

I am an over-thinker in all waking hours. Always thinking about the stupid thing I said on a conference call. Or thinking about my next vacation with the love of my life. Or thinking about what to pick up for dinner. I often find myself thinking for my future self and yoga has helped me get back to present. Yoga quiets my mind so that I can become one with my breath. It’s an amazing feeling and keeps me coming back to my mat every week.

Brittany led us through a beautiful flow, with a few laughs in between poses, while sprinkling in things to reflect.

Since deepening my yoga practice with cannabis, I’ve started closing my eyes during the first few poses of a yoga class. It lets me listen in and pay attention to what my body’s telling me and where it’s holding stress and anxiety. It shows me where to release.

I distinctly remember coming out of meditation and opening my eyes after what felt like 20 minutes in child’s pose. My mat was near the door to the deck where everyone was hanging out before class.

My eyes opened up to a handwritten note on a whiteboard outside:

“Be gentle with yourself.”

Be gentle with yourself. I started to tear up. After meditating on the things I was resisting the moments before, I knew the universe and voice inside me was telling me everything was going to be OK.

It’s in these moments of clarity and encouragement that it’s been reinstated that I’m on the right path. That all of the wants and choices I had in the past have led me to where I am today. It’s these yoga instructors that bring together a collective to not only have a shared experience, but to be present with ourselves.

It’s why getting closer to myself and my experience has been terrifying but exhilarating. It’s because I know I’m capable of anything I want.

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When I was in my mid-20s working as an Editor-in-Chief of some fancy digital magazine in San Diego, I wanted to leave that job and I told myself that one day I’d be one of the voices behind a big American brand. I’m doing that today. I accomplished that goal. And now I’m ready to take on more.

The time and energy that I’ve set aside to take on pro bono clients has been striking. I have a perspective. I have an expertise. I have a voice and a strategy. I’m not afraid of what comes next.

I saw Jenny Slate perform a reading from her new book “Little Weirds” last night. Before she read her final piece and last chapter of the book, she said that while dealing with the aftermath of life, she wrote the book in order to heal and soothe herself. What a beautiful reminder that our creativity can be an outlet for healing and figuring out what we want next.

As she read the last pages of her book with the intentions she had for her future self, I leave you with this.

You will carve your own way. You will communicate your needs and desires. You will write creatively and not be afraid. You will make what you love your reality.

How I spent 60 days with Jessica Lanyadoo’s weekly horoscope and a lunar planner to deepen my spiritual practice

I’ve been on a spiritual path since my mid-20s, right before what I learned to be my Saturn Return. I always knew that organized religion wasn’t my thing so I sought out my own journey. I’m coming to terms with my overly sensitive, empathetic and analytical Cancer ways. My yoga practice has been going strong for 12 years and I’m finally able quiet my brain enough to have a quasi-daily meditation practice. It’s still in its beginning stages, but alas, I’m trying to listen and follow the lead. 

One of my goals this year was to deepen the relationship I have with myself. A guiding influence that I’ve relied more heavily on was the astrological guidance from Bay Area astrologer, psychic medium, and animal communicator, Jessica Lanyadoo.

I was first introduced to Jessica while writing a piece on the best psychics in San Francisco. We exchanged emails and I fell in love with her philosophy of pragmatics and overall tenderness in her guidance and advice. Ever since I wrote that story in 2015, I’ve been captivated by her style, words and work. While I developed my own relationship with some of the psychics and astrologers I interviewed, I was captivated by Jessica’s style and the way she views outside forces – like the movement of planets and the moon – to show how it all relates to how we perceive the world around us.

A screenshot from Tiny Spark

Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know Jessica better through her amazing weekly podcast, Ghost of a Podcast; her appearances on TLC show, “Stargazing;” her Oracle-like iOS app called Tiny Spark; and her weekly horoscopes. 

In a way to organize my thoughts, my guidance, and all of Jessica’s juicy and insightful support, I started jotting down her sage advice in a lunar calendar. I picked up the Many Moons lunar planner and decided that I’d really start diving into the practice.

My goal was to track my emotions and feelings in line with the moon cycle and use Jessica’s advice as a sounding board. It was comforting to know that people were going through similar growing pains and Jessica’s weekly astrology run down always gave me some peace of mind.

The simple act of acknowledging where my mind wandered in relation to what was going on in the sky comforted my anxiousness tenfold. 

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For the past 60 days, I’ve used Jessica’s podcast and weekly horoscopes, an Oracle deck, and lunar calendar to pay attention to what’s happening in the stars and the moon – and how it all relates to my emotions and experience. Here’s what I did:

• I would listen to Jessica’s podcast twice a week if I could.

• I created a weekly ritual where I set time aside every Wednesday to read her weekly horoscope and write down what resonated with me or what I should be looking out for.

• I would open up her Tiny Spark app for guidance and to take inventory of what I felt around me.

• I used my Oracle deck for confirmation in what I was seeking or experiencing. 

• I would spark up to try and get even more present.

• And I wrote all of my notes using Jelly Roll pastel pens :)

What I love about this lunar planner is that its author speaks to those who work with the guidance from tarot and oracle cards, as well as those who are interested in new moon practices. I followed the January Full Moon Lunar Eclipse Shed and Shine ritual and I definitely noticed the power in reflecting and noticing of what you’re ready to let go of. Jessica had such sweet words during this eclipse. I wrote down things like “Do away with idealism and accept this moment as it is” and “You are meant to look at things plainly as they are.”

The Many Moons planner continues to provide me great guidance on what’s going on in the stars and planets and how I can harness the energy around me as helpful, intuitive direction through life.

The practice of tracking movement in the universe and how it relates to my experience has been fascinating and opened up my ideas of how humankind can be so affected by the ever-changing moon phases and the movement of our planets. I listened to Jessica’s guidance every week as a way to be super aware of my thoughts and emotions and how they could be amplified based on what was going on in the stars.

Jessica Lanyadoo’s Tips for Love <3

Her words were encouraging and allowed me to look at the big picture when it felt like things were going to shit. I pulled cards from my Oracle deck when I need confirmation and comfort when I felt like I was moving in the wrong direction.

Like when I made it to the final round of interviews with Slack, only to find out they moved on with another writer. I wrote down the Oracle’s advice during early January to help support my emotional self:

“Don’t be scared by perceptions of disappointment…These are just signs that the mind needs to let go of control and trust more conditionally in the goodness of life.

Or when I was feeling the intensity of the first quarter moon right before Valentine’s Day and the Full Supermoon the following week, Jessica offered wise wisdom like “Align your actions with your desires” or “Cultivate the willingness to look honestly at what you want” or one of my favorites:

“Pay attention to your body and the ways it houses your emotions. Watch your impulses so that you don’t act out of emotion or without consideration for the consequences. Acting from a place of ego will backfire on you.” 

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As someone who gets hung up in their own thought patterns and feels anxiety over the smallest of things, tracking the lunar cycle with Jessica’s advice and astrology has allowed me to feel like I’m not alone.

Jessica is creating a community of like-minded people who are interested in learning more about their birth chart, sun sign and the characteristics attached to it, and how our entire solar system can deeply affect our emotions and experience.

I always thought I was the only weird one in my friend circle who showed an interest in astrology, my sign, and this idea of taking notice of the environment around us for guidance. But Jessica Lanyadoo’s astrology and heart-felt advice, my lunar calendar, and an Oracle deck has absolutely supported my day-to-day and the goals I set forth. 

If there’s anything I learned in 2018, it’s that you already know what you need. The voice inside you, your inner child or spirit as some might know it most, is helping to guide your way. Whether or not you acknowledge that voice or intuition is up to you.

While you may not subscribe to the idea of astrology, it’s hard not to forget that we are all made of stardust.

Conversations with myself: Know your worth

How many people will agree with me when I say that 2018 was a real mother’ of a year. Politically, societally, culturally, astrologically, mentally. Last year knocked me off my feet and I’m eager to move forward into the New Year, take what I learned, and grow from it.

I’ve been struggling with this idea of knowing my worth. Negotiating my worth and having to prove it to others. I put myself out there in SO many ways last year and I’m still reflecting on the outcome of what I manifested.

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I’m in the process of looking for a new job and it’s been amazing to step back and see where I’ve come. I’ve had my head in the clouds doing the corporate thing and it’s been four years since I’ve looked for a new job. I can’t believe how much my professional life has grown. How did four years feel like it flashed by in a moment?

One of the most tedious parts of finding a new job is updating all of your records on career finder sites. I got a reminder the other day from Monster.com that my profile was about to expire. I logged in and started cleaning up house, adding my latest accolades and experience working at my current role.

I got into a black hole somehow and started editing a previous resume from years ago. It was so early on in my career that my internships and lackluster content farm jobs were at the top of the list.

How often do we reflect on how far we come? I’ve been so focused on moving forward, growing, expanding, making and doing more, that I forgot, for a moment, where I’ve come.

Before I started my current job, I felt like my professional career was a hot mess. I started writing professionally in 2006 and interned at a real estate and luxury lifestyle magazine in San Diego, eventually climbing up the ladder to Editorial Assistant. I got a glimpse into what it was like to actually work at a paper magazine. I expanded my territory and my skills a bit and found myself working for a rad luxury magazine in Orange County.

I acted as the assistant to an affluent editor who allowed me to have a voice in art design and schedule and manage photoshoots and writer assignments. It was a dream and I felt powerful when I’d show up to a media party and people knew who I was.

And then the recession hit. All of the magazines I wrote for started shutting down because they couldn’t afford printing costs. People were going digital and so were the jobs.

I pivoted my writing style and learned how to write SEO copy. It definitely wasn’t as glam as my previous jobs. I wasn’t writing about the season’s hottest beauty products or a $5 million home in Malibu. I was writing 500 word “blogs” at a content farm about topics using keywords like “nuts and bolts” or “patio furniture.” The office was kind of a mess, the work was silly, but I met one of my greatest friends there in that office. And not to mention, the teachings and the tools of the SEO world.

Online marketing and SEO weren’t really going anywhere at the time so I worked at a few other agencies writing optimized content for all sorts of clients. I eventually focused on freelance and contract work where I could find it. Through my network of friends and colleagues, I landed gigs writing product specs for Charlotte Russe; proofreading newsletters for the United Way of San Diego; crafting blogs posts for a social media consultant; editing and ghostwriting a book for a financial advisor; and so much more.

One of my favorite jobs was writing content for the marketing group at Intuit TurboTax. I was absolutely thrilled working there. The campus was amazing, the talent there was outstanding, and the company was so efficient in the way it worked. After my season at TurboTax ended, I was eager to get back into the corporate world. I told myself that one day, I’d be the voice behind a major American brand.

I got a small taste of corporate life when I started freelancing for JP Morgan Chase but I wanted more…and I couldn’t find it in San Diego. I told myself that if I couldn’t find a decent job by the end of 2014, I was going to move to Bali for a few months to reset some intentions, goals — my life.

And then I got a call from a recruiter who found me my current role.

Four years later, I’m leaving a place that helped to shape me into the professional I am today. I found my voice working in the corporate world and now I know I want more from myself and the company. I want to stretch my creative muscle again and tell the story behind a brand that’s doing something important for this world.

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I was chatting with a friend awhile back and she mentioned that during her path to discovering self-care, she learned how to “come into her power.” By spending time learning how to become her authentic self, she was learning how to understand and take control of the power she held within.

Now that we’re 11 days into the New Year, I’m ready for change and I accept the challenge. I’m ready to stretch, learn and be the voice I always knew I wanted to be.

With all of these experiences in all of these forms, I’m understanding how I value myself, my time, and my worth. I used to find discomfort with my work experience because I moved around and learned so many different trades. But now I appreciate all of my past jobs and clients because they got me to where I am today. And I am grateful.

Conversations about Fierce Self-Care with Riyana Rose Sang

Riyana Rose Sang sets a table full of tarot cards, crystals and candles

Do weird surprises just show up on your lap and something within you says, “Yeah, you should totally say yes to that…even though you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”? It happens to me. Pretty often in fact. I have really good luck with stumbling across a person, place or thing and without having any sort of sense of fear, I just say yes to whatever it is and it ends up being something so beyond my belief.

I stumbled across this event in San Francisco through a sponsored Facebook post and without so much as reading its title and price tag, I decided to sign up for what turned out to the most heart-opening experience with strangers I’ve had in a long time. The event was Rosa Mystica Rising: Herbal Self Care for Witches, Healers & Creatives.

“This daylong deep dive is a devotional experience of tapping into the energy, wisdom, and healing of the earth and the energy, wisdom, and healing inherent in our own bodies and spirits, once we can find our way through the daily noise and move towards silence and deep listening,” I read in the event descriptions.

Yes. This is so up my alley. Where’s my credit card?!

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Little did I know that this Herbal Self Care retreat would not only teach me how to make my own herbal infused body oils and the healing powers of plants, but it also provided me with a total self-love, women’s group therapy, crack-your-heart-wide-open experience that blew me away. And it was something I didn’t realize I needed until the moment happened.

Riyana Rose Sang is an herbalist, mom, doula, and former street activist who used to get “excited to get arrested for the earth.” My kind of lady for sure. She gathered us all around and started off our day by discussing this resurgence of “witch craft” and all its forms.

Mercury retrograde memes, tarot readings, astrology, crystals. I’m guilty of all of them. But at the same time, there is some truth to the gaining interest in plant-based medicine and a curiosity for spiritualities outside of what we grew up with.

Riyana teaches us how to make our own herbal-infused oils and heart-opening cacao concoctions

We started by sharing with the group our intentions for the day. We sat around a table Riyana set with two decks of tarot cards, crystals, flowers and candles. We went around the room, we shared our names, preferred pronouns, and intentions for the day.

After a gnarly year, my intention for the day was to learn how to listen and trust myself and my instincts. And to be open to the divine connection between my self, soul and spirit.

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Riyana led us through a discussion on what she calls fierce self-care. It’s this idea of finding ways to nourish ourselves in order to grow, expand and connect to the bigger part of the world. We’re all experiencing this evolution of change and we’re being encouraged to confront our emotions. It’s the idea that we’re empowered to take responsibility of our own health and bring awareness to the choices that present themselves to us. And in the end, we radiate a sense of self-respect and self-love. We’re “showing up” as better people because we’re taking better care of ourselves.

Mind. Blown.

As we discussed our own ideas of self-worthiness, our group really connected over this idea of feeling like we’ve had to prove our own worth to ourselves.

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After what felt like a heart-opening group therapy session, we started diving deeper into the stellar benefits of working with plant-based rituals. I know you’re probably thinking, “Oh, wow Nadia is going a little overboard with this hippie dippie ‘plant-based’ talk,” but you guys. Don’t knock ‘til you try it. I’ve integrated plant-based medicine into my normal routine and I can safely say (knock on wood) that I haven’t gotten sick in 2+ years. Not a cold, not a flu, no nothing. And I owe it all to:

• Listening to my body

• Looking out for germy situations to fight earlier against them (thanks to my very germ-aware work wife for pointing out how gross people can be :))

• And the oregano oil tincture that I always carry on me (which when frequently explodes in my purse makes me waft the rankest, weed-iest smell)

The makings of one of Riyana’s Nourishing Infusions

Riyana led us through a demo of what she calls Nourishing Infusions. The simple action of making a tea and letting it sit overnight creates this beautiful plant-based ritual that I totally want to make part of my morning routine. We learned these amazing things like the nourishing benefits of oatstraw, which Riyana adorably calls like a “hug to your nervous system.” Plus, it’s good for feelings of overwhelm, stress and anxiety, so count me in. Red clover leaf is nourishing to our hormonal systems and is gently detoxifying. Red raspberry leaves help balance our hormonal levels and improve the brilliance of our hair, nails and teeth.

After nerding out on plants we all shared a meal together and got to know each other more openly. Someone at our table spoke up and asked if we could all go around the table and tell each other one thing that we loved about ourselves. Everyone came up with a beautiful answer. I love this ice breaker and I’m totally going to try this in real life.

After lunch, Riyana led us through a movement exercise that was paired with the senses of embodiment and smell. We got the down low on some of her favorite essential oils and dabbed a bit on our wrists and mindfully moved around the room to her voice and soft music.

This experience felt a bit mystical to me, as silly as that sounds. But I was surrounded by dozens of like-minded women who were all relying on the healing scents of geranium, lemon, Roman chamomile, patchouli, and others to just feel what was going on in their body or the emotions and feelings running through them. I dabbed a bit of patchouli and bergamot on my wrist and kinda just moved around the room and stretched. I found myself in the corner of the room, under a frosted window. It seemed like the sunniest spot in the room that moment. I just kinda shook my body around after sneaking in another whiff of my wrist. The scents were invigorating and I felt like I was opening up a bit more while feeling what was going on in my body and brain.

After a few more moments, Riyana asked us to journal our answer to, “Right now, I feel…”

“Right now, I feel open to possibilities. Open to letting of what no longer is needed,” I wrote down.

Riyana led us through a beautiful journal exercise with prompts about how we can find more balance and nourishment in our lives. It was truly amazing to witness where my heart and soul went while I inhaled the mixture of scents on my wrist. Riyana asked us to feel what came through from the plants. I felt lightness, in both form of weight and luminescence.

After re-looking at these notes while writing this post, my answers about the lightness I felt in that moment seemed to propel me to where I am today. I truly think that my experience with Riyana’s self-love retreat helped me to get out of my funk and get me back to what truly matters.

A witches brew: Riyana’s blend of herbal oils in the front and our cacao mixture in the back. Both were delicious.

As we closed out our day, Riyana walked us through a cacao ceremony. She told us about the heart-opening properties of this plant and how it helps to bring more oxygen to your brain by opening up your veins. Before we took our first sip of her amazing mixture, we took a few moments to have a conversation with ourselves.

Yes, it sounds a little crazy, but it was so therapeutic to take a moment to listen to Riyana’s gentle voice, to ponder the next steps to our healing path, and to think of something that we’re ready to let go. My heart and soul were so wide open by this point in the day. I could feel a stream of tears coming down my cheek as I heard some others releasing pain of their own.

From there, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Back to reality.

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One of the first things that Riyana told us was how excited she was because the day of the retreat fell one day after the Autumn Equinox, where day and night, along with the earth’s gravitation pull, are in perfect balance. It’s all about balance.

2018 has been a real mother’ and it felt fulfilling and right and empowering to take an entire day out for myself to focus. I used to feel selfish for doing things for myself because I was so used to pleasing others first. But now I realize the act of self-love is nothing to hide or feel embarrassed about.

The act of self-love should embolden you.

For more information about Riyana, check her out here.

Quieting the mind and looking inward at East Bay Meditation Center

Everyone who knows me in real life would probably label me as a hippie – some even would say a “dirty hippie.” I fully accept that label and I’m even proud of maintaining that trademark all these years and through all of these different friend groups.

Yes, I love walking around barefoot because I love feeling the ground below me. Yes, I stop to say hello to animals in the neighborhood because it brings me joy and I sniff roses in gardens because I find natural beauty to be so captivating. Yes, I gravitate toward natural and Eastern-rooted medicine, food, philosophies and spirituality because it just makes more sense to me. And yes, I have a true relationship with my yoga ritual and I’m tapping into my spiritual intelligence and meditation practice. I’m looking inward to hear what I really need in the moment instead of thinking about what I “should” do.

I’ve felt a little lost these past few months. There’s no doubt about that. But I’ve also spent more time sitting with my feelings instead of brushing them under the rug. I’m an extremely emotional, over-analytical person and I’ve always kept those sentiments to myself. I didn’t share them because I thought they were too personal and I didn’t want to burden others with “my issues.”

Now, I’m taking the time to heal and really figure out what I want now.

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Since having my astrological birth chart read (and having listened to my conversation with Joyce over and over), I’ve intentionally followed and sought out those mystical or soul-guided thoughts and places to find some clarity. I’ve discovered people, yoga teachers, grounding conversations, books, shops, events and so much more that has allowed me to find some peace through all of this harshness. And one of those directional experiences led me to the East Bay Meditation Center.

I found out about this place during my weekly ritual of trying to find something to do over the weekend. I had a weekend to myself and I needed something to “entertain” me. So after sifting through a few of my favorite weekly events calendar sites, I found the center’s event, Silence Emboldens – A Weekend Meditation Retreat to Reconnect and Rejuvenate your Practice.

The two-day silent retreat intended to deepen our meditation practice through mindfulness and loving awareness. The event was a way to reconnect with ourselves to find ways to focus on our mind and what our heart wants in the present moment.

When I first came across this, I thought it was too much. Did I really want to spend the entire weekend sitting in silence? My meditation practice is very beginner. I have issues sitting still. I get antsy so easily and I move around constantly because that’s just my nature. But something within me kept asking and looking for more. Maybe sitting in silence for seven hours was what I needed to quiet all of the busyness in my mind. I was so reluctant to commit to this retreat because I was scared of what I thought I couldn’t do.   

I signed up anyway.

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JD Doyle and Jonathan Relucio, two amazing humans who I was lucky enough to be guided by, led our discussions. We talked about intentions for the retreat, how to respect the meditation temple and the sangha (the practicing community), and how to listen to ourselves instead of acting the way we think we should when entering a silent retreat.

Throughout the day, we heard stories about our guides’ past and how they found the healing benefits of mindfulness and looking inward. We heard stories of diversity, adversity and overcoming demons. We were led through guided, silent and moving meditation. We were supported, regardless of who we were, where we came from, or what we were dealing with.

About half way through the first day, we were given an hour lunch break –- after a course on mindful eating (yup, that’s a thing) and I felt like I really didn’t want to stick around. I felt like I wasn’t really “getting it” like all the others who sat beside me. I wasn’t feeling this transcendent experience that I thought would be natural with this type of retreat.

“If I wanted to just sit in silence all day, why couldn’t I just do that from the comfort of my own home?” I remembered asking myself.

I left the temple and ran an errand downtown with the idea that I’d just go home after. But I couldn’t help but hear the voice in my head telling me to give it another try and go back. As much as I wanted to quit and make my peace with everything I’ve learned so far, I knew there was a reason that I needed to return to finish out the first day. So I walked back to the center.

When we started our first guided meditation after our break, I felt a sense of ease and relief. The words were resonating with me finally as I let go of expectation and felt the ground below supporting me. I wasn’t thinking about where I needed to go next, or what else was on my to-do list for the day, where I wanted to have my next meal, or who I needed to call next. As thoughts came into my head, I was able to acknowledge them and then let them go.

For the first time in months, my mind was finally quiet.

I finally felt still. It’s hard to put into words the sensation. But I felt like I could finally step out of my body and my racing mind.

At the end of the day, we broke out into small groups to answer the question, “What is alive in you right now?” I told my partners that I’ve been sitting with a lot of self-doubt –- during the retreat and just in general. I told them that I’ve been second guessing myself a lot but I have discovered that I get to choose my direction based on how I want to proceed and what matters the most for me.

“I get to choose what I do next and how I react. And that’s a beautiful thing to realize,” I told them.

And as we shared even more, I realized that everyone around me was struggling with their own shit and wanted to look inward to find their answers. As we started closing out our day, our guides asked that we continue this mindful practice into our evening – whether as acts of service or just by noticing how we integrate back into the hustle of the outside world.

I eventually made my way home. I couldn’t help but feel the lightness my mind and my body was carrying. I made myself a meal, talked to my boyfriend, and cleaned house. And then I slept hard -– harder than I had slept in months.

The retreat continued for another day as we resumed our dharma learnings and our meditation practice.

I’m a full believer that everything happens to you for a reason. You encounter people, places and things for a reason and I’m fairly certain there’s a reason I was guided to this event. I’m proud of myself for sticking with something that felt so foreign. It allowed me to feel relief and release some of the gunk in my mind and body that’s been blocking me. I’m so grateful to have found the East Bay Meditation Center and can't wait to check out their weekly meditations, yoga and other retreats.

Thank you JD and Jonathan for holding space for us and for sharing your words and wisdom. And thank you to the community for opening your doors and hearts.

Mental fog

The last few months have been super intense — emotionally, mentally, spiritually, astrologically. I was going through so much inside and it felt like I was being shrouded by this intense sensation of gloom and uncertainty. I felt lost and completely out of sorts. But then I started talking about it in an effort to heal. Everyone I talk to is going through something and we’re all just doing our best to cope.

It feels like I’m coming out of this mental fog with a deeper perspective. An understanding that you may not always be in control of what comes your way but you get to choose how you react.

I wrote something to try and process these emotions and it was healing. If you feel like you’re “going through something” know that you’re not alone 🐛🦋

Hello, old friend

It's been months since I've written. It's been months since I've been inspired enough to write. Even though I've had so many travels and adventures this year, it has been extremely difficult for me to find the time and space in my day and my brain to write. I let my job take over my world this year and because of that, I've felt a bit disconnected from the creative side of writing again. 

What happens when you're given a super high-profile project and lead role title at work and put yourself through a stupid amount of pressure, stress and anxiety when in reality, everything falls apart and nothing works out the way you thought it would? And then conflict in your personal life surfaces and then you feel you have to make that right all at the same time too? All while you pretend everything is "okay"? You break down. And I did. Hard.

My sleep cycles were all over the place. I remember a week of laying up in bed until almost 3 am just listening to the silence outside my window. I've never heard Oakland that quiet before. I remember waking up drenched in sweat one night. I dropped down to 157 pounds in a matter of what felt like three days. I haven't been that skinny since after college. And then I gained all the weight back, and then some, the following week. I couldn't focus and my memory was totally shot. I took a break from smoking. I felt manic. I felt depressed. I felt like I hated myself for not being able to shake this off. I had completely lost control.  

I let the stress of living and working and surviving in the Bay Area get to me. I noticed I was comparing myself to others who are my age and in my industry and started second guessing myself. I started interviewing. I started asking myself if there's something more out there that I needed to do.

It's been three weeks since we finished our project at work. I feel like I'm slowly coming out of the mess. My priorities in life feel like they have completely changed. I totally understand what corporate burnout feels like and I'm amazed that it only took me turning 34 and the last three and a half years at my job to be close to feeling it. But now it feels I'm in too deep. I have an insane amount of flexibility and freedom with my job to work remotely. I have proven myself to be a "valuable asset" to the company. Isn't that the dream though? To have all that corporate stability and those perks but still work from home every Friday? And sometimes every other Monday?

With all that being said, I hope that this feeling of being ready enough to write again sticks around. We went on this amazing trip to Sedona and I started writing about it and then my message started drifting to the lack of mental clarity I was feeling. I'm hoping to flex the creative side of my brain again because it's begging to get out. 

I feel like everyone I talk to these days is going through some drastic awakening or change and movement. Astrologically, there's a ton of shifting in the universe when it comes to self-reflection, understanding your truth, and learning how to react differently to patterns. Or, at least that's what I gather from all of these witchy, self-care podcasts I've been tuning into recently. 

My astrologer told me this was supposed to be a "beautiful" time for me in the grand scheme of things. And while it sucked in the moment, it's just my nature to find the silver lining with all of the crazy shit that life threw my way. Yes, it's a beautiful thing to live in the present, find gratitude, and be able to set intentions for the future. 

Here's to moving forward instead of trying to fix what happened in the past. To finding happiness in the mess. To addressing your demons and not letting them take over. To adulting. To savoring the waiting until your next big thing presents itself. To growing up and being the person you want to be authentically.

Exploring Crystal Crane Hot Springs in Burns, OR

It's crazy to think that just a few weeks ago, my man and I were on our four-day road trip across three states that I've never really explored before. Our journey from Salt Lake City to Washington had three rules:

1. No driving for more than six hours a day.
2. Leave all of life's stresses at home and let the wide open road try and soothe all of our adulting pains.
3. Hand holding. Lots of hand holding.

This trip could not have come at a better time. My man decided on a route and I just showed up for the ride. There was nothing to do but just sit, look out the window, and be with each other.  

The Pond before sundown.

One of my many favorite moments from the trip was our overnight stay at Crystal Crane Hot Springs. Leave it up to my man to find a totally rustic camping resort of sorts with a massive hot springs pond constantly heated to 100 degrees. The resort itself is in the middle of nowhere and attracts roadtrippers, campers, hikers and people on the natural hot springs tour throughout the region. Though the one great thing about the remoteness of Crystal Crane's location is that it's hard to get to and there really aren't that many people out there. The second best thing? The stargazing was absolutely stunning.

Sunset in Burns, OR at Crystal Crane Hot Springs.

My man reserved the resort's 5th Wheel for the night and I'm so glad he did. Our rental was better than glamping! Our RV was stocked with a kitchenette, dining area, TV, queen-sized bed, and full bathroom. We chatted it up with other travelers and be-friended dogs in the common living area and we grilled up sandwiches in the communal kitchen. The place was definitely quirky and I loved all of the personalities we ran into along the way.

In case you didn't bring your own tent or RV, you can rent a teepee at Crystal Crane!

The pond...The pond was magical. Small pebbles of what looked like lava rock lined the bottom of the huge pond. The water contained minerals like calcium, magnesium, potassium and silica.The spring water came out at nearly 160 degrees at the water fountain source and kept the entire pond a hot 100 degrees throughout the day and night. We took our first dip in the early evening and the hot water was amazing. There were small groups around us but we later found out that the pond closes to the public at 9 pm and only resort guests had 24/7 access. We came back to a quieter pond after dinner and soaked under the stars and clouds. And we didn't even mind the chilly and crisp high desert air after soaking.

We decided to take advantage of the resort's private cedar-enclosed bathhouse the next day. We figured before we headed out for another day of driving, we might as well treat ourselves one last time. And for $15 per person/per hour, it was a bargain. We packed up the truck and spent our last moments in a private bathhouse. The tub was at about 101 degrees but we were able to heat it up and cool it down as we pleased. We got hooked up with our host's favorite tub and we soaked and steamed before hitting the road again. Our tub was huge and the lounge space around the tub was even bigger so I could lay around when the tub got too hot.

Maybe it was the mineral water or the high desert air. Maybe it was the stargazing. But I definitely felt more relaxed and rejuvenated after leaving Crystal Crane. If it wasn't in such a remote part of Oregon, I'm sure we'd visit more often. 

Conversations with myself: Taking back the #thighgap

I've had a long, hurtful relationship with my body. For as long as I can remember, I've always known that my body was different than everyone else's. Growing up in San Diego, among beautiful, bikini-clad people, enforced this idea even more. Everywhere you looked, people were in shape and active.   

I'm a curvy woman. I have broad shoulders. I'm only 5'1. I have hips. I have thunder thighs. I have calves that men would kill for. I know that my body is different. I've had strangers, like massage therapists, ask me upon looking at my body, "Wow. Are you an athlete or a swimmer? You have big legs." I've even had a co-worker, who lacks certain social filters, call out the size of my legs in front of co-workers when I decided to wear some skin-tight rain boots one day.

For all sorts of reasons, when people talk about my body, it makes me uncomfortable. And it's been like this for decades.

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These last few months have been really transformational. I joined ClassPass because I needed a new way to sweat and workout. I ended up finding that I loved discovering new neighborhoods and fitness studios because it really got me out of my comfort zone. I found ways to enjoy workouts and stopped looking at them as just a way to maintain my weight and continue to eat poorly.

My move to Oakland really opened up my access to healthy and delicious food and markets. I found Imperfect Produce and have naturally just started eating better. And I still found ways to go on long walks around town to see neighborhoods on foot.

I started using cannabis as a plant-based tool to heal sore muscles after intense cardio workouts. I've used it to walk or hike further, push myself harder during workouts, or to go deeper in yoga classes.  

I worked through a lot of emotional pain from past relationships because I was able to take what I learned and offer my knowledge to friends who were enduring similar pain. I realized that my previous relationship caused me trauma and I felt like I was still recovering from the pain even though I'm currently in the healthiest relationship of my adult life. Finding clarity in that trauma allowed me to let go of all the pain, shed an old skin, and come through the other side as a stronger woman.

Because of these events and so much more, I recently learned that I lost 17 pounds in the last year. When I wrap my head around that, it blows my mind. I wasn't even trying to lose weight but rather I made my health and mental clarity a priority this year.

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One of my biggest fitness goals as of late is to finally achieve a gap between my thighs. It's such a weird thing to try and accomplish -- this idea of a thigh gap -- but it's been something I've focused on for as long as I can remember.

If you're a woman reading this now whose thighs rub together constantly, you know what I'm getting at here. Girls who have a normal thigh gap will never know what this feels like or how big of a pain it is. I'll spare you the details.

Throughout these past few months, I've seen and felt my body change. From mind, body and soul, I feel like a different person. I feel stronger and that I finally don't care what other people think about me or my body. I own this body and everything it's been through.

One of my biggest a-ha moments from the past year is realizing I'm stronger than I think I am. I know this because I'm finally in tune with my body. 

Last year, I met with my spiritual astrologist Joyce (yup, I'm that girl now who has a spiritual guide) and told her that I was about to go on an amazing journey through Peru. I told her about our four-day hiking trek to Machu Picchu and she mentioned how my "legs of iron" would show me how strong I truly am.

She was right.

For the first time ever, I can say that I love my body. Since taking the class with Taryn Toomey and since learning about the art of embodiment, I'm more in tune with what's going on inside of me. And I feel empowered by it. I've found myself in the shower or before bed thanking my legs for allowing me to walk to work or sweat like a crazy person during a workout. I've found moments to do this with all of the body parts I once thought weren't perfect or ideal.

Because now that I love my body, the idea of a thigh gap seems so superficial to me. I look at myself in the mirror and I love what I see.   

It took me a really long time to get to the point I'm at now. Sometimes you have to break down all of the walls and pain to see clarity and hope.